Pub crawls categorically suck and here are all the reasons why

Please come up with a different social


Coming from high school in Luxembourg, the concept of a 'crawl' was foreign to me before arriving in Edinburgh. From the moment I got here, though, I realized how much every single society seems to love organising them. Coffee crawls, book crawls, flat crawls, Spoons crawls, and pub crawls. You name it, Edinburgh Uni has a crawl for it.

The concept is just ridiculous. Who thought it was a good idea to take a big group of people to one place, give them just enough time to find seat, buy a drink, have a chat, and just when everyone is settled, usher them back out onto the streets to the next place. From pubs, to cafés to bookshops, the level of impracticality involved with crawls massively outweighs any of their benefits.

Walking

Moving from one location to the next is just about the most impractical and annoying part of crawls. People always walk too slow or too fast, and by the end of the night you've spent more time moving from place to place or waiting for other people than you have inside a pub. If I wanted to hike around the entire city in my free time, I would have signed up for a walking tour of Edinburgh.

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A quick pause for a pic and suddenly everyone is gone

Losing everyone

Crawls are just awful places to try and get to know anyone new; the logistics get in the way of any kind of conversation. Between trying to order drinks, finding seats, and moving from place to place you lose just about everyone during the night. Forget going to the bathroom at any of the locations. Lose sight of the group for two seconds and everyone has already left.

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Blue moon I saw you standing alone

For crawls that occur during the day, trying to navigate the streets is a massive issue. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but maybe George IV bridge is not the best place to try and shepherd along a group of 30 students at 3pm on a Friday. Edinburgh is not really designed to move through in packs. Now imagine what it's like in the evenings: drunk people are not necessarily the best at keeping up with or following a group.

Shit locations

When it comes to crawls, the grass is most certainly not always greener on the other side. Often, the first place you start is the best, and the crawl only goes downhill from there. If a pub has enough space, has good music and reasonably priced drinks, there is absolutely no reason to move on to somewhere else.

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Everyone happy? Time to move!

Also, there are very little places in Edinburgh that can comfortably accommodate groups. How can a coffee crawl possibly be a good idea when the average cafe in Edinburgh seats about 10 and a half people? What pub on a Friday night has enough tables for the entire Scandinavian society? Crawls are impractical.

Time management

Nobody seems to agree on the right amount of time to spend at each location. Thats because there is no right amount of time to spend at each location. While some people finished their drink ages ago, and are impatiently and awkwardly waiting at the door, others are still deciding what to order.

If you're in the back of the group you're absolutely screwed. Just when you've made it to the bar and you're ordering a pint of Strongbow, everyone is already putting their coats on again to leave. The only option: down your drink and speed after the rest of the group.

Also, different people like different things. So while some people might really be vibing with the music in one pub, others might be bursting to get out of there. Naturally you can't always make everyone happy, but crawls just make everyone unhappy.

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Staying in one place? Revolutionary

In every possible way, crawls are all inconvenience and no fun. So, do the new members of your society and the entirety of Edinburgh a favour and just pick one location for your social.