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I spent a day exploring George Square as a Napier student

Bear Grylls has nothing on me trying to navigate Potterrow


Contrary to popular belief, there are in fact multiple universities within the city of Edinburgh – a whole three others in fact. The most inner city one (one which you don’t have to pass sheep to reach, looking at you Heriot-Watt) is Napier – a perfectly acceptable institution which is typically the butt of jokes made by Edinburgh Uni Tories who probably eat babies in their spare time. Light-hearted jesting aside, as a Napier student I was curious as to how the supposedly superior University of Edinburgh students went about their day to day lives. So, inspired by Bear Grylls, I decided to take it upon myself and tour Potterrow in disguise.

A little background

Some comparative facts to set the scene: Napier was originally a college before gaining university status in 1992, and so is old enough to annoy everyone with 90s nostalgia memes and avocado toast. The University of Edinburgh, on the other hand, was founded in 1582, thus establishing it as the sixth oldest university in the English speaking world – so officially old as balls.

To give an idea of my standards, here’s Merchiston Campus, a Brutalist maze in the middle of upper class Bruntsfield that looks less like a source of knowledge and more like the site of many human rights violations (namely 9am lectures). The main highlight of my experience here so far has been when a microwave was finally set up in the canteen.

Grim x

Potterrow, on the other hand, expands before my lowly unworthy eyes as a tasteful collection of modern and antiquarian buildings, and a wide open space perfect for skaters or angry Bible thumpers shouting on about the sinfulness of alcohol. I now fully understood how the poverty-stricken Charlie Bucket felt when he first laid eyes upon the gross wealth of Wonka’s chocolate factory.

Check out this bad boi

Potter Shop

This place advertises itself as selling "Supplies and Essentials", and I agree it lives up to its name. Clothes??!! Ice Cream??!! Its own meal deal?! Vodka??! This is literally a mini own-brand Tesco right across from your classes. Yes, a pack of M&Ms is £2 odd, but judging from the amount of potential Tories I’ve already clocked on George Square (number: countless) I’m sure nobody’s properly complaining.

Right next door to this is a full on Santander branch – just chilling. An actual bank. I’m assuming it functions as a safe space for English and foreign students to cry over their debt.

???

Dome

I continued my tour into Dome. My only notes for this part of the tour are "I’m so lost and confused, why is there a dentist's?". Seriously though – why is there an on-campus dental practice? Was this a service the students asked for because of some tooth health epidemic? I have so many questions.

Dome go breaking my heart

Also, the fact that there’s a full on club in the same building, just chilling, is amazing – baffling, even. This dome is proof that Edinburgh Uni students exist in a whole other world – and it is terrifying.

The dancing queen, young and sweet and getting kicked out by a polite employee

Neuroscience building

I attempted to get into this place to see what was it like to be brainy enough to study neuroscience, but was prevented by barriers which were strategically placed to keep out peasants such as myself.

Teviot

Teviot is apparently the student union bar, and is conveniently situated in the middle of campus – which I have to admit is a more appropriate location in comparison to the Napier bar located in the Three Sisters, which is full of stag dos drunk crying to Come on Eileen. Teviot on the other hand is very old, and includes a very fun spiral staircase, which, in my tourist opinion, was the main highlight of the establishment. Second place goes to the very sexy two for one deal on those nachos.

10/10 staircase

I have to note however that I feared for my life and sanity when I spent a good 10 minutes trying to find the exit – I suspected the staff were ready to hoy me behind the glass case to join the collection of fancy books. Overall though, despite my barely contained jealousy, I could not find any other drawbacks. I will be excited to sneak in there again for more nachos and the pub quiz.

Old Medical School

This is indeed old! It made me feel like the protagonist of a murder mystery – albeit one wearing flares. The mini museum was cool as hell, I hope every one of you brainy/posh enough to go to this uni visits those elephant skeletons like once a week because that is deffo what I would do. I already love and miss them.

Big boi

I’m going to assume the uni uses the money from their large influx of English and foreign students to pay for the heating bills, because Jesus, I was sweating. This leads me to conclude that people wear those fluffy Canada Goose jackets for no reason other than to look like a twat.

Final thoughts

Potterrow may be a second/third/fourth home to many of you, but to an outsider it is a new land of abundant resources and wealth. Yes, you may have a gift shop, and a club, and nachos, and a sense of pride in your university, but at the end of the day? Your bins are the same as at Napier’s.

Spot the difference

So instead of looking down your nose on students from other unis, let's bond over the fact we all get to share this historic and beautiful city and all it has to offer, such as Trash Tuesdays at Hive.