Nothing was too private to be posted on our friend’s wall
When we finally pluck up the courage to go back in time on our Facebook profiles, to see what we were like when we were thirteen years old, the results are never going to be good.
Our walls are riddled with angsty teenage statuses and photos which had aggressively edited with filters which frankly shouldn't be legal to use in the public domain. Worst of all was the embarrassing conversations we decided to have with people via our timelines, rather than in a private messaging window.
It's torture looking back at how we used to behave, and it feels like a miracle to see how we've changed over the years, and somehow managed to transcend our peculiar teenage ways.
It's almost certain that if we go back ten years on our timelines, we'll find ourselves doing almost all of the following things.
All our statuses were written in the third person
Remember when instead of asking “what’s on your mind?”, Facebook prompted your next status update by saying “INSERT NAME is…..”, leading you to update everyone on the trials and tribulations of your daily life in the third person? Yep, I’ve blocked it out of my memory too.
We'd post photos which had been excessively filtered
Natural beauty clearly wasn’t a thing back in the noughties. Instead, we went ham on the BeFunky filters and tried to distort our pure, innocent, 13-year-old face as much as possible. Pop art, pointillism, overexposed, multicoloured – we tried every filter on the same photo, which were then all uploaded into their own album.
Facebook used to be used in the way Twitter now is
Back in the day, anything was worth writing a status about, no matter how mundane it may have been. Devastated about the last person to be kicked off X Factor? Status. It’s snowing outside? Status. Just sat at home picking your nose and avoiding your homework? Status.
Private chats weren't a thing, our news was broadcasted to all
No conversation back in our prime Facebooking years was too private to warrant its own personal conversation. We'd talk openly with our friends about anything at all, broadcasting all our latest bits of bang average gossip for all to see.
We used to quote random song lyrics when we felt a bit mellow
This is the trademark of the angsty Facebook teen. If we'd broken up with our first crush after a whopping two week long relationship, we'd feel obliged to post a lyric from a textbook sad song to let them know that we missed them.
Our timelines were swarmed with 'Like for a rate' statuses
Somewhere in heaven, Freud is contemplating a name for this kind of inverted narcissism that our teenage selves craved. These statuses always raked in bare likes, but we had to suck up to so many people we'd hardly said a word to as a consequence. Realistically, if you were giving anyone that less than an 8.5/10, then you really weren't that keen on them.
We used to tag our best mates in your profile picture
Nowadays, if we did this, I think our mates would just be confused and find it a bit weird. But this was a popular phenomenon with the under fifteen demographic back in the glory days. Tagging our pals in our profile pictures was a sneaky way to generate more likes, which would fuel our egos quite nicely.
We'd occasionally let loose and upload a solo album of selfies taken on our webcam
This is before Snapchat and Instagram took the world of social media by storm. We had to find other ways to emphasise our overdrawn eyeliner like the alien-eye lens on our webcams. If we didn’t take at least fifty pictures with a Sepia filter did we even deserve to own a webcam?
Our mates would always end up getting tagged in those weird grid pictures
Remember the low-budget 2010 version of ‘tag yourself’ memes? This was basically the same thing, except instead of being funny we had to choose which animated stereotype monkey our friends were most like. It was a good way to get back at any frenemies, we just tag them as “the psycho” and watch all hell break loose.
On a biweekly basis, we'd set our BBM pin as a status
BBM was the be all and end all of socialising back then. If you didn't have it, you would be missing out on all the prime gossip about what had happened in French that day, and you'd deffo get the last say in who you were sitting next to on the bus on the way to the school trip. These are big decisions that you'd never experience if you weren't involved in the world of BBMing.
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