50 shades of rave, baby
Love them or hate them, rave shades, also known as ‘raviators’, are indisputably the hottest accessory right now in terms of university clubbing attire. With so many varieties and styles available, ranging from your old pair of childhood sunglasses that left you looking like a member of of the three blind mice in Shrek, to psychedelic bug-eyed lenses that light up, there is a pair of rave shades out there for each and every sesh monkey.
Not convinced yet? Instead worried that you’ll simply end up looking like a British tourist who got lost on his way to Malia, or instead perhaps a dodgy Elton John impersonator? Read on.
Originally worn in nightclubs and at festivals to mask pupil dilation deriving from the consumption of certain drugs, there are many more reasons – for those among you who prefer to get high on life – as to why rave shades are your new must-have accessory on a night out. Here are a few reasons why rave shades are now almost as essential as having a designated pair of minging old sneakers reserved specifically for Hive, and for Hive only.
They do wonders for your self-esteem
Step one to rocking rave shades is having the confidence to do so. No one likes a wimpy shady raver, and in some ways, donning a pair of raviators may give the more introverted clubber a hint of Dutch courage even before their first strawpedo of the night kicks in.
The less you can see other people – admittedly some of the cheaper varieties of rave shades will inhibit your sight, just a tad – the less likely they can see you and your awful ‘Taylor Swift at the Grammys-style’ dancing, right? Science.
For conspicuously checking people out
For those who lack subtlety, playing it cool whilst eyeing up potential gets in the club can be tough. With your rave shades firmly in place, you can give your chosen victim a proper look-over without appearing like a Class A creep.
Given that the maximum time to stare at someone before making them feel virulently uncomfortable is 3.3 seconds – most definitely not long enough to decipher, whilst being in a state of mild intoxication, whether your target looks more like Zach Galifianakis than Zac Efron – rave shades are your new best pal. (Disclaimer: check your rave shades are opaque before trying this out – been there, done that, and 10/10 scared off a lot of people that night).
For covering up that awful eyeliner mishap
My fellow ladies will appreciate that there can be no greater pain than messing up your eyeliner after having meticulously primed, powered, contoured, and beaten your face like the MUA you truly are.
Starting again from scratch isn’t an option when you’re already 45 minutes late to pres and still haven’t decided on which headband-flares combo to wear, making it almost impossible to bounce back from this frankly soul-destroying situation. However, step in the rave shades. With these bad boys on, no one will witness your Taylor Momsen-style eyeliner faux pas, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll even make it to pres.
To disguise the fact you had one too many at pres
The lengthly, hardcore pres sesh has come to a close, the Uber to Jujus has arrived, but you can’t quite read the driver’s number plate off your phone screen which has turned into a illegible jumble of words and letters. Yep – you’ve fucked it – again – and are absolutely trollied.
The bouncers of Edinburgh are not to be messed with, with their overwhelmingly strong accents and burly physique – how on earth will you get past them in such a state? Rave shades are your saviour when queuing for club entry and will serve to mask even the worst states of intoxication; providing that you manage to hand over your ID instead of your Tesco Clubcard.
Because the sun never sets on a badass
If you want to wear your rave shades to the club, bloody do it, son. An advocate of raviators myself, I have worn them many a time and have been admittedly subject to a sizeable amount of undeserved abuse.
A moment that stands out for me took place in the beloved Moomoos Clubrooms of Tunbridge Wells, when an appropriately basic girl came up to me and demanded why I was wearing sunglasses inside and at night, to which I replied: “Because it is lit, babes”. Safe to say, her mouth dropped at arguably one of the best puns of 2017. At the end of the day, if you feel good in your raviators, then there is no better reason to wear them. You do you, baby.