'Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, don’t know about you but I just want to screw'
Gather round gather round, there's only a few days until V-day and many singletons are still as hopeless in romance as ever. For many, the closest they'll come to romance is a cheeky snog on the dance floor in Hive – not that there's anything wrong with that.
Do not despair, however, for this week's round up of Edi's MVPs is here.
Hester Rose Garratt, Second year, Medicine
If you could take anyone in the world to dinner who would it be? Cat option – my cat, human option – Jamie Dornan
Where are we most likely to find you? With my pet pig (this is not a drill)
What's the last thing you googled? Cafés near Waverley
In the movie about your life, what actor would play you? Amanda Seyfried
What’s the best gift a boyfriend could give you? A Lindt chocolate factory
If you were an alcoholic drink what would you be? A gin and tonic flavoured VK
What's your go-to type? Tall boys with brown hair and nice eyes who like my cats
How would your best mates describe you in three words? Slow, old-fashioned and posh.
What's your dream date in Edinburgh? Ice skating and Italian restaurant at Christmas
Tell us, what's number one on your bucket list? To get into the Tab Valentines Day Special Singles of the Week article
Hester is the perfect gal for anyone who isn't afraid to get their hands a bit dirty – because she has a pig, duh? She's intelligent, traditional but also up for a banging night at cheese. Hester is great because she will get your heart beating and be there just in case you go into Vfib.
Akhil Anand, Fourth Year, International Relations and Finance
What’s an interesting fact about yourself? I’m president of the best sports club in the Uni
Where are we most likely to find you? In the kitchen or on the left hand side of the prow d-floor
What's your dream date in Edinburgh? Gravity Trampoline Park followed by dinner at Ondine
What would be the title of your autobiography? My Name is Jeff (It’s a long story)
What actor would play you in a movie about your life? Kevin Hart
What's in your Tinder bio? I’m short and sweet, much like our love life would be if we went on a date
Best gift a boyfriend/girlfriend could get you? A good quality whiskey
Biggest fashion regret? A goatee in first year
Tell me a cheesy joke you’d love on a V-Day card? Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, don’t know about you but I just want to screw.
Teviot or Ting Thai? Ting Thai Caravan
A cricket champion, whiskey connesieur and a keen 'Cheese-r, Akhil is a pioneer of what Edi has to offer. His chat is bound to bowl you over – pardon the pun – and your date to the trampoline park is bound to get you bouncing in more ways than one…
Becci Glover, Third year, Chemistry
What's in your Tinder bio? 'Shits and gigs enthusiast, chicken nugget connoisseur. If you can’t handle me at my worst, I really commend and respect you for setting healthy boundaries for yourself.’
What's your dream date in Edi? I’d love to buy a Dominoes and eat it on the top of Arthur’s seat and watch the sunset.
What's number one on your bucket list? Fill a bucket with Bucky, then drink said bucket.
Do you have a type? Basically just be banterous and also tall.
Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? Fly 100000000000%
If you were to sum up your love life in a film? The 40 Year Old Virgin
If you were an alcoholic drink what would you be? An Iron Bru bomb – fun and ginge with some feisty notes.
How would your best mates describe you in 3 words? Fields of wheat.
Tell me a cheesy joke you’d love on a V-Day card? Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Teviot Nachos or Ting Thai Caravan? Nachos any day, no jalapeños tho cos I’m spicy enough already (fire emoji x4)
What’s an interesting fact about yourself? I’m one half of Edimeme (Say no more).
Becci has more ginger spice in her than a bottle of paprika. She'd be a firey addition to any date and is sure to liven up any party you'd take her to. Yet beneath the fiery exterior Becci is just like any other gal; give her pizza and she'll be good as gold.
Ollie Pearn, Third year, History
What would be the title of your autobiography? The basic material is not the word but the letter.
What actor would play you in a movie about your life? Tom Hardy
What's your dream date in Edinburgh? Getting steamy at Ballantine’s.
Do you have a type? I’m not into looks at all, I want somebody with gravitas.
Best gift a girlfriend could get you? Food – protein, carbs, dairy. The works.
How would your best mates describe you in 3 words? Cool, Cold, Hot-headed.
What’s an interesting fact about yourself? I was the face of Boots in 1997.
If you were to sum up your love life in a film? The Wolf of Wall Street – there’s plenty of loving in that.
Where are we most likely to find you? A pub in New Town
If you were an alcoholic drink what would you be? Moët, I’m always up for a celebration.
Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly? Fly because that’s boss.
Ollie is the epitome of New Town class; hot, intelligent and up for a journey to move beyond the paradigms of beauty. He's the kind of guy who is happy to spend a cosy night in binge-watching The Crown on Netflix instead of strawpaedoing VKs among the masses in Prow.
If you or your mates are interested in any of our edi-gible bachelors, or want to appear in Singles of the Week, slide into our DMs at The Tab Edinburgh on Facebook.