Innovative skiing week? More like innovative skiing month
The 14 day UCU strikes at universities across the UK are stirring up student emotions across the country – with some demanding their money back, and others declaring their support for struggling lecturers.
But let's not forget the question that's really on everyone's lips – what the fuck are we going to do with all that time off?
Maybe you're thrilled at the prospect of being left to your own devices with hours upon hours of empty time stretching out in front of you, nothing but a creaky radiator and your equally aimless flatmates for company. But you're not in the lucky position of being a footloose and fancy-free first year, you're more likely to be filled with a sense of rising panic.
My sage advice here is to distract yourself from the chaos and think of some ~creative~ ways to spend those extra hours. For when actually hunkering down to that week one reading you still haven't done just won't cut it.
Become a ski instructor
The university's most privileged are known for jetting off on skiing trips during reading week. Why not take things a step further – extend your Innovative Skiing Month into a money-making scheme, and take out your pent-up frustration on small, cold and uncoordinated children. Perfect!
Go on safari
Yes, there's a "safari" park near Stirling, but if you're gaining upwards of 30 hours of extra time, you could literally hop on a flight to Cape Town and back, squeezing in a little safari excursion between departures. You might as well have fun with your student loan, right?
Try lucid dreaming
Use learning to lucid dream as an excuse to lie in bed all day, and conjure up some comforting scenarios. Maybe you're on a beach in the Caribbean, sipping on an extravagant frothy cocktail served inside a hollowed-out pineapple. Maybe you're just imagining we still live in a world where the government actually recognises the true value of higher education.
Take lots of really long walks and contemplate the future of academic institutions
If the strikes go ahead, I will lose 26 contact hours. In this time, I have calculated that I could walk around McEwan Hall 3,120 times. This would probably have the numbing effect of making me too dizzy and tired to even have the energy to worry about anything else, like whether the government considers students its customers and whether there is even a future for young academics any more.
Imagine how many times you could circle your campus if you're a science student who is missing 14 full days of labs!
Make some cool signs and join your lecturers at the picket lines
Pick your target – is it the dodgy VC who's somehow getting paid over 8 times more than the average lecturer? Is it Theresa May? Do you suddenly feel rage at the very mention of David Hume himself? Why not design some incendiary placards and wave them around all day?