The guide to every generic Edinburgh date – in starter pack form, of course

Just in time for V-Day

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After what seems like eternity the month of lurrrrv is finally upon us. Some of us may be busy planning for innovative skiing week – or month, if the strikes happen – but for those choosing to remain in Edinburgh the prospect of awkward Tinder dates and shockingly cringe singles parties lay ahead.

So no matter if you're breaking bread over afternoon tea The Dome, or on Calton Hill freezing your tits off, there is a an Edinburgh date for everyone.

The Afternoon tea at the Dome starter pack

You definitely live in New Town and study something profound like philosophy or social anthropology, despite having no intention to go into humanitarian sector. You're susceptible to some anti-pasti while you fawn over economics books in the library in your Nautica. You spend your days looking for the perfect Insta and trolling Facebook to find out how you can mingle your way onto reality TV.

The Drinks at the Pear Tree starter pack

The nice 'n' easy option for pre-honours students – across the road from George Square and en route back to the safety of Pollock. If you're taking bae here you utilise Tinder for all its booty-calling capabilities. You look for easy and convenient, and that's not just in your choice of partner.

The Take her to see The Pandas starter pack

So you may not have got into Vet school but at least you now have a social life and don't have to live at Easter Bush – wherever this may be. And while the Royal Dick may not have sussed you out as a genius, we definitely have – what better way to distract from your above-average package by flaunting fluffy four legged friends in bae's face at the zoo?

The Top of Calton Hill starter pack

Finally the "50 things to see and do in Edinburgh" guide that your great aunt got you for Christmas two years ago has come in handy. This is a great date for all those who are more style than substance, the panoramic vistas are there to shield your date from the fact the most exciting thing to happen up here is sitting on a bench in the Scottish winter – the joys.

The Wanna grab lunch at Teviot? starter pack

Dates at Teviot are for people who just love Edinburgh Uni. They're the kind of people all too keen to lay down fifty quid on over-priced merch from the visitors' shop. Tev's range of options is second to none, with New Amphion, Sports Bar and Library Bar helping to find something tasty for even the most high maintenance of people.

The National Museum of Scotland starter pack

You're a keen art historian with champagne taste and a prosecco budget. Your date envisions a romantic dinner for two at the Tower restaurant when in fact you aren't even willing to pay into the suggested donations box. You probably spent two days in London over summer and now consider yourself to be an advocate for the V&A or Tate Modern.

The Edinburgh Christmas starter pack

What can we say? Basic af.