Life lessons from first semester

Lectures teach you nothing

I think it goes without saying that going to uni really opens up the eyes of many a fresher. With so many new places to go and people to meet,you have to learn the ways quickly.

Going out every night seems feasible in freshers week

Its freshers week. You’ve possibly just received a large sum of money from your parents or alternately been paid a huge amount from your student loan “to forward your education,” combining this with absolutely nothing to do leads to a vicious cycle of going out, getting wasted, then waking up to a killer hangover the next day – only to be repeated over the course of the week. You think you can continue to party like this for the whole semester, but in reality your bank balance and your liver would tend to disagree.


You can turn up at your 10AM the next morning drunk

Usually this is as a result of a Why Not Monday, and as this is such a tradition, everyone accepts it as you stagger into your 10AM somewhat resembling a homeless person, still drunk, with only a slightly faded club stamp on your wrist to announce your inner shame. Provided you don’t fall asleep half way through, the lecture does become unsurprisingly more amusing when drunk. That is until your hangover kicks in halfway through international political economy.

Hive till 5 is a lie

Okay so maybe at certain times, such as during the fringe, and at holidays, Hive is open till this time. However no-one is here to experience the glory of Hive till Five because they’re all at home. The disappointment on learning that Hive is only open till three, as is the same with every club in Edinburgh, hits hard. However, you soon get over it when bopping away to some cheesy tunes in the Hive small room, that would put the Big Cheese to shame.

You’re allowed to go nuts

The new-found sense of freedom is exciting, and the temptation to drink and party is strong, so the only thing to do is embrace it and all the crazy, messy, hilarious consequences that result. So go out to that party, get with your neighbour and exchange awkward small talk in the hall every day, wondering if it meant more to them and trying to stop thinking about them naked. So bust some moves and enjoy first year because really, it doesn’t count.

It's normal to hoover at a party, right?

It’s normal to hoover at a party, right?

You really don’t need to buy that £30 textbook

I mean, really? Why spend money on a textbook that we won’t even read anyway? Have you heard of the fucking internet? And why is there any need to make such a useless book £30 in the first place? As a student with no money *cough* spent on booze, the fact that £30 books exist is baffling to me.

tab book

Societies are surprisingly alright

They’re great opportunities to try something new, whether it be a sport, a new language, a drama society, and the socials are lots of fun too. Join the Tab. Get drunk and meet people who share your love of Jazz dancing, snow-sports, or even Harry Potter. Join the Tab. Having something exciting to do outside of your regular day to day routine is one of the many reasons why uni is actually fun, as well as educational. Join the TheTab.

Your expectations of clubbing were wrong

You move to the city expecting to go to cocktail bars and fancy clubs, but end up spending most of the time drinking cheap vodka before heading to one of the same 4 clubs you always go to. Student loans do not actually stretch as far as you think they will, and so the idea of starting your evening drinking Cosmos in a chic cocktail bar in New Town quickly becomes a laughable idea as you are forced to resort to drinking own brand vodka and litre bottles of Frostie Jacks from your local Sainsburys.

What makes it even sadder is it will usually take place in someone’s tiny pantry in halls, before going out to one of the few clubs you’ve become acquainted with. They’re not even that good, you’re just smashed and Justin Bieber has come on again and so your night has become a bloody good one.

This was supposed to be a classy night. We ended up at Hive.

This was supposed to be a classy night: We ended up at Hive


As Yik Yak frequently reminds us, Edinburgh is the Northern-most suburb of London, and you can really tell as you walk around George Square overhearing the many accents that make you feel as if you’ve walked onto set for the new season of Made in Chelsea. Despite London being 1 amongst numerous other places across the world that people come from, those of us who aren’t Londoners seem in the minority. The fact that “what school did you go to?” can be used as an opening line in conversation shows just how cliquey our Uni is.

Freshers friends can last

The first few weeks are intense, as you’re thrust into adult life, living with people you’ve never met before. Trying to navigate first semester becomes just that bit easier with the friends who have held your hair back as you vomit over the toilet for the fourth time after another wild night out. Living in such close contact with these people means you become pretty close and the thought of going three weeks without seeing these lovable idiots you call friends is not a happy idea.  Until next semester where you will undoubtedly realise they’re absolute bitches.

That post night out chunder

That post night out chunder