Robertson’s Close is the best halls in Edinburgh

Other halls might be grander with double beds, but Robbie’s Close, as it’s affectionately known, is a close knit community nestled in the heart of the noise and craziness of Cowgate.

You probably picked it as one of the cheapest options because not everyone can afford the grandeur of en-suites.

Or maybe you got placed here by the bizarre organisation that is Edinburgh University accommodation services and after the initial surprise you have grown to love these concrete blocks.

When you were given your flat on the top floor, you probably thought to yourself, “brilliant I can have a place with a view”.

Then you made the horrific realisation that there’s no lifts to be seen and you have to make the horrendous task of climbing up the stairs everyday which feels like an Arthur’s Seat climb.

However, given a flat on the lower floors, you are subjected to the music of Pilgrim bar, which is conveniently right underneath you and the music of which is so bad that some nights it seems like cruel and unusual torture.

Shared bathrooms aren’t as scary as they seem, and they do get cleaned for us, so we win in some respects.

In the kitchen, the tragic state of the oven with the rings drawn on pushes us back into the 70s. At least we kind of have a view of Arthur’s Seat, right?

That’s definitely the tip of Arthur’s Seat right

The rooms themselves are what we would describe as “standard” and what Pollock might describe as “slums”, but the price means no complaints from us.

The bedroom size, however, leaves much to be desired: while the contract says large room, you compare it to other student accommodation and there’s a clear contrast in sizes.

Eventually, you realize that one lucky bastard in each flat has a room large enough to fit the entire men’s rugby team inside, leaving space for a quick throw around.

Another issue is the incredibly squeaky beds, where you can hear every time the girl three flats above you rolls over. But then again, you definitely get what you pay for.

Definitely not a normal sized room

It’s not all about small rooms and squeaky beds though: one of the many benefits of living in Robbie’s Close is the lack of late night early morning fire alarms, as we all seem sensible enough to only burn our drunk toast once a week rather than every night.

Speaking of drunken behaviour, being only one minute from every club on Cowgate is an interesting experience. We are subjected to renditions of classic songs by drunk students at 5am, and the pub crawl guides shouting hello to everyone at the start of the night, because apparently Pilgrim is the place that every pub crawl ever begins at.

However, whenever anyone mentions something bad about Robbies it is instantly met with cries of location location, because we’re an incredible five minutes from George square, five minutes from Lidl and five meters from Hive.

Initial plans of Why Not or Opal get thrown out the window after midnight and cries of Hive take over. Because it’s close enough to stagger to, and close enough to fall into bed when it gets a bit too sweaty.

Common room nativity

Overall, the facilities at Robbies are very good, the common room especially is a great place to pre and relax, with ping pong and a TV. That is of course before someone shits in a plastic bag and leaves it there after Halloween.

Despite it’s bad points, we all love it for what it is and wouldn’t change a thing (apart from the internet).