Keysurf is ruining my life

Fucking Keysurf. These famous words will be familiar to all those living in Edinburgh halls, but it seems to me that it’s a completely unnecessary grievance we have to deal with on top of all the other trials and tribulations of first year.

You can see the wifi bars on your laptop sinking further and further from peak performance. This has become such a regular thing that you find yourself desperately trying to re-connect multiple times throughout the day, only to have it tell you that you can’t log on to more than twice. Typical.

It just gets worse when deadlines roll around. It can practically smell the last minute essay panic and decides not to work, just to make things that bit more difficult for us.

Why why why

The problems with Keysurf are endless. For a start, the fact it’s so infuriatingly slow – and that’s when it’s working at all. It makes all those hours of important procrastination harder too. Slow wifi speeds do not make for good Netflix watching. However, it also means it’s impossible to get any work done because we can’t access Learn or other websites we may need for research.

I’m not alone in thinking this. Here are a few things other students have said of the service:

“It never connects on my phone so I’m constantly running out of data because I can’t keep up with whether my wifi is on or not”

“Keysurf’s name is a lie because it does not let us surf the web in any shape or form”

Along with incredibly relatable comments such as “It’s wank” and quite simply “Shit.”

However, the people on the helpline are nice apparently, and as one of my friends said: “It’s not their fault they work for fuckwads.”

When Keysurf is down it causes widespread distress and frequent Yik Yak posts all saying the same thing. It’s simply impossible to be able to work when you’re constantly having to wander around trying to find the best spot for wifi in your flat, which just ends in you contorting your body into the weirdest position because you managed to get two whole bars of wifi.

All jokes about how shit Keysurf really is aside, it begs the question about why the uni uses the broadband provider. You’d think that a world class university like ours could actually fork out for some decent wifi to ensure it’s students actually, you know, get a degree. But apparently we’re stuck with Keysurf.