How much does it cost to fit in at Edinburgh?

Moving to Uni is daunting enough for most people, but for those of us from the lower classes, moving from rural Scottish villages and industrial Northern towns to Edinburgh can be a massive culture shock.

Not least because we discover a new type of people, cousins to us and yet alien, with their own social norms, fashions, and customs: the Yah.

So how much does it cost?

Because after all, everyone wants to be just like them.

Moët – £32.50 

The staple Edinb-raah drink which you can’t be seen in the club without. And we don’t just mean a glass – get yourself a bottle and a straw to demonstrate what a character you are.

Not only is Moët (pronounced ‘mo-ett’ apparently) the perfect status symbol, it also goes well with a ploughmans.  

the perfect condiment

Canada Goose Jacket – £875.00 

Originally made for explorers of the Antarctic (Not even joking – literally made for scientists. living. in. the. Antarctic), as well as the first Canadian to reach the summit of Mount Everest, the Canada Goose is a staple.

To prove how ridiculous it is that they can be found on the fourth floor of our pleasantly warmed library, Mount Everest has wind speeds up to 175 miles per hour and temperatures of the Antarctic can reach as low as -94.7C. Chilly.

Nevertheless, the Canada Goose is a definite must if you’re serious about fitting in here at Edinburgh.

Signet Ring – £18.50 (for a cheap one).

Used as a form of peacocking; the signet ring is a necessity if you are to attract a mate of a similar class as you.

If your dad hasn’t given you one yet, your family probably doesn’t even have its own crest. That’s okay though, because you can get them on Amazon for next to nothing. The bigger the better.

the natural habitat

Booth in Why Not – £300.00

Why? Why Not? It’s an Edinburgh staple: if you’re anyone about town, you’ll be there minimum every other weekend.

It’s a strong tradition and one which must not be overlooked.

Flat in Quartermile – £12,000 a year

When an en-suite in Marchmont won’t do, and New Town is just that bit too far away, you have no choice but to go to Quartermile. A Q-mile flat puts you head and shoulders above everyone else, but make sure you can handle yourself with the locals; you’ll probably end up living next to a Russian Princess.

However, if you’re really looking to impress, you could always just buy your own island and commute.

From the Get Rid of It Edinburgh Facebook page, if you’re interested.

MacBook Pro – £999.00 

Don’t even think about trying to attend Edinburgh without a MacBook, or else you’ll be forced to sit  in your Politics lecture with an acer, or worse, a Rymans notepad. Alone.

Anyway, how are you supposed to tag your friends in UNILAD posts or finish your mediocre Geography essays on a Dell?

one just is not enough

Gap Year to [insert random less economically developed country] – £2,579.00

We’ve all seen the Gap Yah to Burma video, but what not many people know is that the guy is actually a 3rd year from Edinburgh Uni.

It may seem silly paying to build a shed in the middle of a field in Malawi, but that’s okay, because you’ll feel much better about yourself when your Tinder picture is you holding a mildly-malnourished African child. Trust us, the world needs you.

elephants = tinder matches

Harris Tweed Jacket – £300.00

As a favourite of rugby boys who still go to Opal on a Wednesday, and those who are into shooting, it’s easy to kill two birds with one stone with this purchase.

It’s even better if your dad has one you can borrow; not only will the females flock to you at Big Cheese, but you will literally smell like money.

Serious (Photo credits: Matthew Thomas)