How to lose a flatmate in 10 shags

It was no fairytale

casual sex friends housemates

It was in my naïve fresher state last year that I had the idea to break the cardinal rule and sleep with my good “friend”.

My stupidity then reached new heights, I proceeded to suggest and follow through with living together for this “delightful” second year of education at Uni of Edinburgh.

And then came the deadly inevitable we all try so hard to avoid.

I got feelings.

And no – there was no fairytale ending.

Housemates who clearly haven’t slept together

After a short October getaway in the Italian sun I returned to uni refreshed about the whole affair, only to stroll into my kitchen and be met by him and another girl fooling around.

Cue complete and utter emotional breakdown yet again. Wet faced, panda eyed and heartbroken I waddled onto the bus to escape to a friend’s for the night.

After sniffling and sobbing to Skinny Love for a solid 10 minutes, some cute old granny offered me her hanky.

Don’t the elderly melt your heart.

Four days later, after endless rom-coms and depressing music with my girlfriends, I built up the courage to go home.

I put on a brave face and went to see my “friend”.

Day 3 in the life of Bridget Jones

I acted completely normal, as if it was something else that had made me run away for over half a week.

He was completely oblivious and genuinely believed “hanging out with the girls” for four days straight was a normal occurrence for women.

To this day, we still haven’t spoken about it.

Why is it we all have the deeply rooted natural human instinct to rip each other’s clothes off, but never the instinct to consider the long term consequences during the shag?

Especially when concerning “friends”.

Yes we all may be young, horny and stupid with little regard for our actions. But after many tears and arguments this semester, I’ve realized something…Don’t shit where you eat,it gets too messy.

Film clichés will just lead you to disappointment

Maybe the real underlying issue was not my sudden lack of brain cells, but rather that I am no Mila Kunis and that he is no Justin Timberlake.

After witnessing the influx of girls in and out of my flat I felt it was for the greater good of the population of Edinburgh to give them a chlamydia test.

And of course a token biscuit of thanks for my sleepless night. But I’m not that psycho….

After all he was very much single and could do whatever he wanted. But to say “it was hard” to see it all under my own roof is an understatement. It was bloody cruel.

Double trouble…..

As for next year, me and my “friend” will part ways as I’m doing a year abroad, where hopefully some Spanish sweetheart named Carlos or Juan will sweep me of my feet.

Despite everything that has happened, we managed to build the friendship back, although we both know it isn’t the same.

But life is too short to stay bitter.

And my life would be somewhat dull and boring with him not around.

But.. just remember: before you let your housemate rock your boat just remember sea sickness is a bitch.

And it will leave you feeling nauseous after you hop off the dream boat.