Life Lessons: From a Northerner to a Southerner

Since the Guardian published the HEFCfE results that Londoners are 43% more likely to go off to Uni than Northerners, I’ve been wondering what my Uni life would be like without my Northern pals.

Most of my closest friends are Northern; our day to day ‘banter’ consists of myself congratulating them on leaving the farm to gain an education, whilst they congratulate me on so far avoiding an unwanted, teenage pregnancy, and being pulled into a life of underground drug pushing. It’s just this cute thing we do.

A couple of my pals at home on the farm.

London, in short, has a lot of stuff. Museums, businesses, prostitutes; whatever you need, you’ll find it in London. What we don’t have however, are drinks less than £15 a go, or any expanses of field that don’t back onto the M25.

There’s a tendency when you live in the capital, to forget that any other places exist, or even what the colour green looks like (unless it’s associated with some very illegal highs). Here’s some important life lessons I’ve learnt at Uni from my Northern friends:

1. A tea bag should always be left in for at least 3 hours, or you’re practically drinking a cup of hot water and milk. 

It’s not tea if it’s not from Yorkshire.

2. Londoners have shit geographical skills. Apparently there are Northern counties other than Yorkshire! 

“So Scotland isn’t that way then?”

3. Birmingham is apparently in the South. (We’re still arguing this one). 

The beautiful “South”….

4. £2.35 is not the going rate for a coffee. And why would you drink coffee when you could drink tea? 

Shit, tea substitute.

5. Certain parts of syntax are entirely redundant. Prime examples being ‘to’ in reference to motion. 

We’re going t’ shop, not “to the shop”

6. It’s not normal to have more than 3 local nightclubs. It’s even less normal for them to cost £10 to get into. 

It’s not Cheapskates, but it will do.

7. Nobody actually likes London that much. Apparently it’s really busy and overcrowded. 

What’s not to love?