The Tab’s Guide to Sex on Campus

The Tab brings you a guide to the ten best and worst places on campus to do the nasty.   1 – Your Bedroom Daredevil Points: 1. Vanilla. You should […]


The Tab brings you a guide to the ten best and worst places on campus to do the nasty.

 

1 – Your Bedroom

Daredevil Points: 1. Vanilla. You should probably get out more, or watch some porn or something.

Pros: The comfort of your own bed, plus no walk of shame in the morning.

Cons: You won’t be able to ignore that family photo you brought from home. Turn-off. The walls in uni accommodation being about as thick as cardboard, it’s impossible to breath without being overheard. Awkward and off-putting, unless your into exhibitionist stuff, in which case count this as a pro.

 

2 – The Laundry Room

Daredevil Points: 3. Still naughty, but you could do worse (or better, depending on your point of view).

Pros: Kills time waiting for the dryer to finish. Get clean clothes and an orgasm, all at the same time!

Cons: Screwing surrounded by abandoned socks and smelly old t-shirts isn’t sexy. It just isn’t.

3 – Teviot 

Teviot Library Bar – risky business

Daredevil Points: 5. Running the risk of being caught and never being allowed back in for your nachos fix – are you sure you want to do this?!

Pros: A library burger and a pint of Strongbow on hand for when you’re done.

Cons: It’s probably going to be in a bathroom stall. If it isn’t, and you get away with it, you are one sly devil. Teach us your ways.

 

4 – The Big Cheese

Daredevil Points: 6. You animal. Getting it on in a crowd of sweaty students, all with camera phones at the ready, you have to be rather daring. Pretty much the equivalent of a clumsy adolescent handjob in the back of a cinema.

Pros: Everyone there is probably too drunk to give a shit, and let’s be honest, cheesy pop idols such as Gareth Gates and S-Club 7 would get anyone’s motor running.

Cons: You are likely to be thrown out and banned. It’s also been done before, so if it’s originality you’re after, you won’t find it here. Here’s a picture of the last couple who got caught attempting this feat:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding. But you would have loved that, wouldn’t you, you filthy buggers.

 

5 – George Square

Daredevil Points: 6.

Pros: Right in the middle of campus, so you can even squeeze in a quicky between lectures.

Cons: It’s Edinburgh, it’s freezing. Very off-putting to get down to it and realise the necessary equipment has decided to hide from the harsh conditions of a Scottish winter.

 

6 – The Main Library 

Daredevil Points: 7. Not only are you risking being reprimanded by the ever-vigilant library staff, but also losing that seat you spent an hour and a half looking for. Risky.

Pros: The best form of procrastination. Simply give a cheeky wink to that hot archaeology student you’ve been eyeing up all day, nod to the loos, and Bob’s your uncle. A surprisingly easy pick up.

Cons: You should be studying!

 

7 – The Old College Quad

Daredevil Points: 8. You are one ballsy motherfucker. Law students can’t wait to give you a low down of the consequences of an indecent exposure charge.

Pros: Feel like an intellectual and a scholar whilst you get yours. A good one for the law students who hibernate here – they barely even have to stop studying. A quick in-out and back up to the law library.

Cons: Very little places to be concealed, to try this one you’re going to just have to go at it in plain view. Better make it a quick one, or at least be ready to run.

 

8 – The Sports Hall

Daredevil Points: 9. You are basically fucking in a huge room which is probably full of people. Very daring.

Pros: If your a sporty guy/gal, looking to have a sporty time with your sporty guy/gal, you can have lots of sporty sex. Sport.

Cons: Pick your timing wisely – make sure that if you’re thinking about shagging here it isn’t at that moment being used as an exam hall.

 

9 – Your Tutors Desk

If only all the tutorial rooms in DHT looked like this.

Daredevil Points: 10. Balls of steel… or you are just too horny for your own good.

Pros: Whether the mounting sexual tension between you and that one devilishly good-looking tutor suddenly snaps, or simply you and some other randy bastard want to spite your least favourite tutor by screwing all over their carefully planned notes, this is one sexy scenario.

Cons: Could be uncomfortable for the next tutorial group waiting outside the door.

 

10 – Arthur’s Seat

Try that for a view

Daredevil Points: You win all the points. To have the stamina to climb to the top of Arthur’s Seat, and still have energy left to shag is bloody impressive. Take a gold star, my friend.

Pros: Take a look at the fantastic scenery and admire all of Edinburgh’s architectural wonders while getting shafted. Brilliant.

Cons: You might become an unwitting feature in tourist’s holiday photos. Definitely worth it.