If your Durham college was a song from Charli XCX’s album Brat, this is what it would be

This summer in Durham lime green is the new palatinate purple. If one thing recently has provided stability to our society, it is the success of Charli XCX’s iconic summer album: Brat. The Olympics, fashion trends, and political campaigns have been heavily influenced by Brat’s branding. But, where does Durham fit into this sleaze aesthetic? Here, I’ve revealed which college aligns with which hyper-pop anthem (you’re welcome).

360: St. Cuthbert’s Society

Strikes an immediate element of confidence to the album, just as Cuths provides that certain edge to the Bailey colleges. A futuristic yet catchy electropop single which, in my eyes, clearly encompasses both the college’s classic Bailey accommodation alongside the grunge Parson’s Field site. Have nothing but love for this college (and its bar) so am always steadfast in providing my greatest compliments.

Club Classics: St. Mary’s

Not entirely sure why Mary’s students always seem to chase the night, but more often than not they seem to be drunkenly participating in sport socials. You really live up to Charli’s desire to “want to hear those club classics”, being it either the Jerusalem or Vampire remixes in Jimmys. Your dedication to a Wednesday night out is a testament to your character.

Sympathy is a Knife: Josephine Butler

The lyric “I’m opposite I’m on the other side” is purely synonymous of your location. A very heart-felt and deep cutting record fitting for a college much far removed from the city centre.

I Might Say Something Stupid: South

The second I heard the lyric “I don’t know if I belong here” I immediately thought of South. I’m not entirely sure if any of us think you belong here either x

Talk Talk: Collingwood

A seductive song with elements of shyness, adrenaline, and anticipation. Definitely emulates the Collingwood type, waiting to flirt with “the one” in the designated club smoking areas. Undoubtedly my favourite song on the album so Collingwood should count themselves lucky.

Von Dutch: Castle

Without a doubt Von Dutch is the epitome of Castle. No other college embodies the lyrics “It’s okay to admit that you’re jealous of me” more than the one college everyone desperately wanted to be allocated into. The lucky cohort have most certainly adopted a far-reaching superiority complex, but the jealousy rooted within every other college proves a greater projection upon themselves rather than Castle itself.

Everything is Romantic: St. John’s

The song provides a nuanced approach to life. It provides a romanticised outlook upon the world around us, sparking new ways to experience our surroundings. But, most importantly it mentions “Jesus Christ”. I feel obliged to allocate this song to John’s. I really wish we had another stereotype to write about for John’s – but you continually give us nothing else at all.

Rewind: John Snow

Clearly a college in desperate need of a “rewind” to when they submitted their college allocation choices. You could gift your past selves with the greatest reward of them all: being far removed from John Snow.

…So I: Van Mildert

By far one of the most undervalued tracks from the album. Thus, it is only so fitting to be listed as one of Durham’s most underrated colleges. Just as the song embraces both uniqueness and normality, so too does Mildert – aka one of the hill’s best colleges.

Girl, So Confusing: Castle x Hatfield

There’s no doubt this song is between the notorious rivalry between the university’s two oldest colleges. The bigger question is who is Charli and who is Lorde? Both colleges really need to “work it out on the remix” – Castle x Hatfield day really isn’t the answer anymore. Hatfield and Castle alike hate to admit how much “people say we’re alike” but this club anthem clearly proves toxicity can be overturned.

Apple: Hild-Bede

A very misunderstood college. Just as Charli exposes the inter-generational traumas within her own family, Hild Bede suffers the same fate within the collegiate system. Its isolation neglects them from both the Bailey and Hill, their students reflect the same frustrations being allocated to the college, and the bar is in dire need of renewal. However, the song’s viral dance proves there is always a silver lining. Keep your hopes up Hild Bede x

B2B: St. Aidan’s

Despite its repetitiveness, the song’s melodical catchiness mellows with its vulnerable lyrics to provide an exceptional tune. This mesh reflects the chaos of St Aidans (and I’m not entirely sure whether this proves to be either rewarding or demoralising). Very much confident that most of the college’s cohort have said “I don’t want to go back to you”, of which “you” refers to their greatest nemesis: the “contraception” stairs. Whether it’s their own disdain towards their college, or frustrations concerning the potential hook ups “gone wrong”, B2B’s lyrics most certainly epitomise the universal experience for all Aidan’s students.

Mean Girls: St. Chad’s

Iconic, cool, and classy. Three words which entirely sum up both the song and St. Chad’s. Two peas in a pod.

I Think About It All the Time: Trevs

Definitely the type of college to be contemplating and worrying about the future far too much, convincing themselves they’re “out of time” to achieve success. None of you have managed to even obtain your degree yet – please relax x

365: Grey

THE ultimate party girls. Work hard, play hard is your mantra. More fitting for 365 than 360 as the college has a certain edge to it. The coolest of the hill colleges.

It seems I forgot to mention Stevo – you are absolutely nowhere and you are SO not Julia, sorry x

Image via YouTube

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• The eight types of Durham boy that you are absolutely guaranteed to meet on Hinge
• The 10 most humbling experiences that every Durham student can relate to
• A (somewhat) satirical guide to how students at the Durham colleges spend their summer