Okay so Jackie Weaver recorded a personalised message for Chad’s

Take a sip each time she mentions authority

If anyone actually still checks their emails after the introduction of the Authenticator app, you will recall how the DSU shamelessly incentivised us to vote in their election by promising a personalised video from a “mystery celebrity” to the college with the highest percentage of voters.

In what might be the most bizarre crossover of all time, this celebrity turned out to be none other than Handforth Parish Council heroine Jackie Weaver, queen of our hearts and Zoom. The lucky college: St Chad’s.

The whole video feels very bot-like, and it’s unclear why the DSU decided to use a computer virus-esque theme to publicise it, but its worth it to be noticed by such a legend. Her use of intonation is inspiring, and it really feels like she’s speaking directly to you, even if her eyes are constantly dashing to her script.

Jackie started off her heartfelt message to Chad’s by saying she hoped they had a happy Chad’s Day, but it wasn’t long before she rolled out her authority – fast forward fifteen seconds in to hear the first use of her ubiquitous catchphrase.

Queen Jackie congratulated them on having 36% of their college vote in the election, but given the size of the Chad’s, it was probably only about ten people. Realistically, the turn-out is not particularly impressive and big colleges like Collingwood will be fuming that size doesn’t matter. It’s a real mystery why more people didn’t decide to vote.

Like the lifestyle guru she is, Jackie says she’s happy to give “tips on restoring order” if Chad’s JCR meetings get a bit too rowdy, but we’re not sure that will be a problem with such a currently minimalist population.

Jackie praises Chad’s community spirit and how they’re “doing an incredible job looking after each other as a college during the pandemic”, which is really heartwarming to hear during such a difficult time where they’re not all able to be together. Her farewell of “stay safe and bleed green” will be doing wonders for raising morale.

All jokes aside, it’s nice to see Jackie Weaver’s fifteen minutes of fame has continued and maybe one day she’ll run for DSU President.

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