If the Love Island 2019 cast were Durham colleges, these are the ones they’d be

It is what it is, don’t fight me


We're three weeks in, and this year's instalment of Love Island is definitely in full swing by now. Since the Islanders are no strangers to a touch of rivalry, a sentiment all too familiar to most of us here in Durham, it seemed only sensible that we would do some solid analysis, and match each cast member up to one of our very own colleges.

Arabella- Castle

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As soon as Arabella entered the villa, it was clear everyone was jealous of how good she looked. Quite frankly, all the boys secretly wanted her, and the girls wanted to be her. The same applies to Castle, it’s the college whose appearance and grandeur seems to attract the most awe (and applications) at first. Yet sadly, a lot of people who applied there weren’t ultimately granted the privilege, and were shifted somewhere up the Hill instead.

With Arabella things aren’t quite as they first seemed: she was happy to break Yewande’s heart by trying to pinch Danny, and doesn’t seem to listen to the girls when they tell her to watch her back around him. It’s the same with this college- whilst all the pre-fresh thought they’d spend their first year actually living in the Castle, they probably ended up stuck in some weird box room down by the Wear instead.

Anna- Aidan’s

Anna was a little bit overlooked at the beginning of the series. She didn’t seem to grab as much attention or screen time as some of the other Islanders perhaps did. The same goes with Aidan’s- it’s not the most obvious first choice, yet just like Anna, seems hugely underestimated and deserves a bit more credit than it seems to get.

Then too, just as Anna is rather proud of her- shall we say- large posterior, if I went to Aidan’s, after climbing up and down all those steps every day, I’d hope I could say the same thing about mine too.

Lucie- Hild Bede

Hild Bede genuinely sounded like some sort of weird myth during my first couple of weeks as a Fresher here- it’s not on the Hill, not part of the Bailey, and seems so far detached from any of the other colleges.

Poor Lucie was accused of doing the exact same thing, with Amy often picking up on the fact she seemed a million miles away from everyone else. By choosing to spend her time with Joe, and away from the rest of the girls, she was 100% the Hild Bede of the female Islanders.

Amy- John’s

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Amy is the only islander this year to have never been in a relationship before; this is a statement which is probably true of most John’s students as well. Too busy leaving room for Jesus when trying to flirt with any prospective love interests, I’d imagine most people in this college would be hideously giddy at the prospect of bagging themselves a “half-boyfriend” too.

Curtis- Chad’s

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I bet Curtis would be so keen to douse himself in green paint for Chad's Day

The location of Chad’s definitely favours the humanities student, and let’s face it, Curtis is this year’s wannabe William Shakespeare. Always on hand to provide profound words of wisdom in times of trouble, like “don’t watch the clock, be the clock: keep on ticking”, he sounds just as confused as I would be if I had a choice of seven college libraries to pick from as well.

Maura- Hatfield

Poor Maura, bless her- she’s often on a completely different planet to the rest of the Islanders, and some of the things she comes out with sound simply ridiculous to everybody else. Just as she finds it normal to ask someone she’s only known for 20 minutes if they’d like to get into bed with her, a Hatfielder would think nothing of announcing that they’re “going to spend the summer in one of Daddy’s four houses in the south of France”. Madness.

Yewande- Grey

No surprises here- given Grey’s location right on top of the Science Site, it’s obvious that they’d parallel well with this year’s brainiac and Biotechnologist, Yewande.

On top of that, Grey seems to get quite a lot of undeserved stick, the classic “Grey by name, grey by nature” motto not doing them any favours. Grey, like Yewande, deserves so much better!!

Tommy- Collingwood

Beep, beep- professional sportsman coming through! Is it really any shock that Durham’s stereotypically “sporty” college would be a perfect match for mini-Tyson Fury?

I imagine everyone at Collingwood has a similar outlook on life to Tommy: they’re too busy at the gym, and working on defending their positions at the top of the collegiate league tables to need to learn many other basic life skills.

Since they’re a catered college, too, we might never know if their culinary abilities stem beyond ketchup and mayonnaise on bread.

Joe- JoBo

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JoBo, more like JoeBo, am I right??

Of course, it makes sense that Love Island’s very own Mr Sandwich Man would be a perfect match for Durham’s only self-catered college. Their Freshers probably kick off Michaelmas Term with the ambition of cooking gourmet three course meals every day, though by November, they’ve resorted to just ready meals and toast.

Then too, Joe’s adamance that he would have walked “to the Moon and back” for Lucie pretty much encapsulates the distance a JoBo student actually has to travel if they want to get to anywhere beyond the Science Site.

Tom- Ustinov

At the ripe old age of 29, Tom is this year’s most senior Islander so far, and therefore, it only makes sense that he’d be a solid representative for Durham’s postgrad-only college. Then too, despite being fairly established in the villa at this point, I couldn’t really tell you many facts about Tom. For me, it’s the same with Ustinov…I couldn’t tell you a single name of anyone who’s currently enrolled as a student there (if there even are any…)

Amber- Cuth’s

At first glance, Cuth’s is just another Bailey college: probably a bit stuck-up and backing themselves more than anyone really asked them to. Yet actually, once you get to know them, they seem fairly chilled, and there’s no reason to dislike them at all. It’s the same with Amber- I don’t think she was anyone’s favourite at first. Though looking at her now, she’s one half of everyone’s top power couple, and is always on hand to support the girls in a way that’s really precious to watch.

Callum and Elma- John Snow and Stevo

Like Callum and Elma’s stint in the Love Island villa, both John Snow and Stevo’s time in Durham City has been short and sweet.

Frankly, most people probably couldn’t tell you anything about what these two places are like, as there aren’t many reasons for most us of to walk that far up the Hill. The same can be said of this pair of Islanders- they were never established in the villa long enough to give us much information to go on.

Sherif- Mildert

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Mildert’s had its fair share of scandal in recent times. Who in their JCR was responsible for buying themselves votes against Cuth’s in Durfess’ college wars last year? And why exactly did their bar get shut down in Michaelmas Term? Rumours surrounding both of these were flying about all over the place, which was the same with Sherif when he was mysteriously kicked out of the Love Island villa earlier in the season.

Molly-Mae- Mary’s

Very pretty from the outside, Mary’s doesn’t quite fit in with the original Bailey colleges which came before it, but is still something of a veteran compared with a lot of the additions to the Hill that have arrived since. Molly definitely caused a stir as one of the first add-ons to the original cast, though equally, has seen herself be shaken by the threat of any newbies taking her pro-Boxer partner away from her.

And on a personal note, just as Maura was absolutely inflamed with jealousy, due to the fact Molly seemed to be stealing Tommy’s affections, so too was I very envious of the fact Mary’s managed to bag Alexandra Burke as a guest for Mary’s Day last year.

Anton- Trevs

This poor guy just wants to be loved, yet despite his ongoing attempts (with pretty much every girl in the villa at this point), it just doesn’t seem to be happening for him.

Same goes with Trevs- it’s not that there’s anything specifically wrong with it, it just doesn’t seem to be hugely popular compared to a lot of the other options to choose from.