Send that special someone a dirty Durham Valentine’s card today

For those not yet in the 70%

Needing an unconventional way to communicate your undying love for your Durham beau? Perhaps you haven't proposed to that lucky college husband or wife yet and you're ready to take the big leap?

Whatever the situation, we at The Tab Durham have you covered with a variety of carefully crafted Valentine's cards sure to make your day special.

1. For your Castle Companion

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If your college spouse loves university college and anal play, you know what to do.

2. Aidan's Amoré

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As an Aidanite, this isn't just a throw away statement. If you receive this one, you know they're serious.

3. Daddy

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If the subtle hints aren't working on the hot guy in your tutorials, whip this one out (pun very much intended).

4. Too soon?

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Let's create a different kind of union, babe.

5. Cathedral Condom

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Durham Cathedral is always promoting safe sex: Valentine's day is no different.

6. Name a more iconic duo…

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For that heartwarming but temperamental and unreliable connection in your life.

7. Elvet Affection

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Humanities students: you know what to do.

8. Mmmmm…

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Pancakes > Sex

9. Moist

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Sex Tip #7: remember to always wait until sufficient arousal before proceeding with penetrative sex.

10. Stay Woke

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If you're like me and not even Valentine's day stops you from getting a little political, this will be perfect to send your fellow woke bae.

11. And my personal favourite…

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Smash me, daddy.

There you have it! Eleven topical, funny V-day cards to get your romantic (or Klute) juices flowing… Now quick, there's no time to lose! Faint heart never won fair lady.

Seize the bae: carpé DM!

Durham University