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The things no one tells you about being a Durham second year

The ugly truth

So, you've migrated from the hallowed halls of college, where the smell of curly fries welcomed you back from your meaningless lectures and the porters cheerfully (subjective to college experience) guided you through your fresher year. The freedom of your very own house beckoned, with promise of many a house party and culinary excellence.

However, a few weeks in and the reality of second year has hit you;

House parties aren't happening

Pres for 2 =doable

First of all, the majority of the houses in the viaduct can barely accomodate a kitchen table and a clothes horse at the same time let alone a mad gathering. Maybe you can just host some pres? For about 10 people at a push..

There are slugs

Pest removal – fun for all the household

Fresh Meat does not lie. Your house will have an infestation of some sort – slugs are a common feature of a student house, and you will question your life choices when, on a hungover morning, you are removing a slug from your kitchen floor.

You're surrounded by mould

Mould is a quintessential part of your life now. Yes, it is a health hazard. No, you will never do anything about it.

Surprise surprise, food goes off

Second year will teach you that food does go off, and it goes off rapidly. You will ask at random intervals; 'Does cheese go off?' 'How long does chicken last?' 'Does this smell right?'. Also, a side note, chicken is a scary food to cook – turns out salmonella is not an urban myth. And you will miss college bruch intensely. Oh, what I'd give for a hash brown.

Your house will be home to a random array of items

Every house needs a Gemma

You will return from nights out victoriously carrying a sign/traffic cone as a trophy, which will then have pride of place in the window to prove that you are a student and that you do indeed go on nights out. Or you will go the extra mile (see above).

You actually have to think about life

Internships, careers office, networking events. Sad reacts only.

You'll try to get your shit together

…but the pull of Jimmy's is too much. You are weak.

Two weak humans

You have to do washing

You will have an argument about washing up approximately 48 hours after you've all moved in. And if you don't have a clothes dryer your clothes will take three days to dry (top tip, hair dryers do the trick in a fraction of the time #studentliving).

Despite all these qualms, things could be worse. At least you're not a third year.