33 Real ways living in Durham may ruin you for life

Buzzfeed got it wrong.

In answer to the Buzzfeed article titled “33 Reasons Living in Durham Will Ruin You For Life” – which makes Durham sound so great nowhere else in the world will compare to it – it is important that we rectify the misleading image that Buzzfeed gave us.

“Because you get used to living in a UNESCO world Heritage Site” is just not one of the ways in which living in Durham may ruin you. Stop kidding.

There are many, many other reasons why you may be ruined post Durham however, and here they are, all 33 of them:

1) The accent

You may pick up a touch of Geordie dialect and people won’t be able to understand you anymore.

2) Not living in the castle is torture

People who know the university will ask if you lived in the castle in your first year, and will most likely be disappointed when you didn’t.

3) Living in the castle is torture

If you did live in the castle they will ask you a bunch of stupid questions that will become very tedious to answer.

4) Absence of sun

Sunshine will forever be a foreign concept to you.

5) Lack of tan

And due to the lack of consistent sunlight exposure you may never be able to tan again.

6) The prices spoil you

All pints will seem expensive for the rest of your life compared to college bars.

7) Inability to dress normally

You will finish your time at Durham an expert of fancy dress, and going out and getting drunk in normal clothes won’t feel right anymore.

8) Klute music

Klute will inevitably cause you to enjoy the worst music in the world.

9) Becoming too used to weird architecture

After a year in Trevs, all non-hexagonal buildings will seem strange to you.

10) Proximity to the nearest bar

You will grow accustomed to living less than 30 yards from a bar, and will never live that close to one ever again.

11) Lloyd’s

Lloyd’s Wednesdays will have you believing that Wetherspoons is actually a good night out.

12) JoBo

You could end up in JoBo. And it would suck.

13) Harry Potter

Every time you mention uni in any way for the rest of your life there is a chance someone will bring up Harry Potter.

14) Housing prices

Overpriced housing will leave you with heaps of student debt and a bad frame of reference for all future home purchasing decisions.

15) Ruined job prospects

Pictures of you enjoying yourself a bit too much at the Champagne Ball will remain on the internet forever.

16) Being the Oxbridge reject

Because you went to Durham, everyone will know that you actually wanted to go to Oxbridge, but couldn’t get in. They won’t forget it and neither will you.

17) Coke addiction

You will develop a terrible cocaine habit from being in Hatfield or being around Hatfielders.

18) Paddy’s addiction

At the end of every night out, no matter where you are in the world, you will inevitably crave a Paddy’s pizza.

19) Rowing

You will join rowing, which will be the start of a lifelong trend of you doing things you hate for reasons you are unsure of.

20) Going to sleep at a “reasonable hour”

You won’t be able to stay out past 2:30am in the morning after uni because you are too used to everything closing at 2am.

21) The sports

Team Durham will permanently suck all the joy out of you.

22) Van Mildert and its lake

As a Van Mildert fresher, you might become amphibious.

23) If you’re at Hatfield, everyone will know

Inexplicably, people will always somehow know you were in Hatfield, and they will resent you for it.

24) The sadness of not using your gown

You will actually love wearing your gown because it makes you feel like a witch or a wizard but you will never have the opportunity to wear it again after uni.

25) You will forever miss the Johnny Woodgate

You won’t be able to get a Johnny Woodgate outside of Durham but you will always want one against your better judgement.

26) The town/city conundrum

Seeing Durham as a city, your concept of what a city actually is will always be wrong.

27) If you live on the Bailey you’ll become pretentious

Being on the Bailey will give you a false sense of superiority you will never let go of.

28) You will never be able to behave normally around a mentor

Your college parent will try and sleep with you, and this will leave you with a distorted concept of mentorship.

29) Rugby initiations

After experiencing a Rugby initiation, you will never be pure again.

30) Jimmy’s trauma

After experiencing Jimmy’s, you will never be pure again either.

31) You’ll get a terrible fashion sense

You will start wearing red chinos.

32) You’ll lose touch with everything outside of Durham

Basshunter will be the biggest musician you will see live in Durham, so you will end up living 10 years behind the rest of the world.

33) You’ll become elitist

After three years at Durham, you will find yourself elitist and unable to communicate with working-class people. And, you will feel more comfortable in a suit than a t-shirt.

It’s not likely all of these things will happen to you, but it’s unlikely that none of them will either.

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