The struggles of being single in Durham on Valentine’s Day

The one day when “bros before hoes” is irrelevant


February 14th, the cursed day has arrived.

“Valentine’s Day is just a capitalist scam” you say? Yes, totally, but the thing about capitalist scams is that sometimes they actually manage to scam you.

Nowhere as much so as in Durham. The tiny alleyways, the cobbled streets, the romantic walks along the River Wear, the countless cute coffee shops, the Valentine’s socials; Durham is designed for couples.

Need a reminder of how it feels to be single in Valentine’s? Here are the major causes of the emotional distress felt by singletons in Durham on Valentine’s Day.

Friends tagging you in Valentine’s-related posts on Facebook

So you wake up at 9am, you feel all groggy and tired and don’t even think about what day it is. The blissful ignorance comes to an abrupt end when you pick up your phone and see five notifications telling you that your friends have tagged you in posts like “how to secure a last minute date for Valentine’s.”

The torture continues throughout the day, until you finally decide to put your phone on flight-mode to avoid further trauma.

People in relationships trying to comfort you when you haven’t asked for it

There’s always that one friend who calls you up and goes “I was just thinking about how awful it is that Valentine’s day has become the day of couples! Like, why can’t it just be about loving yourself!” Give me a break, you’ve been with your significant other for over three years, you don’t even remember the feeling of being single.

If you can love yourself and love your partner at the same time on this ridiculous day that’s great for you, but Valentine’s has never been and will never be a day that encourages self-love or self-respect for that matter. You try sitting alone at The Swan, trying to enjoy a peaceful pint when there are couples at every other table.

The difficulties of making plans in the evening

No matter what plans you make for the night of February 14th, you end up looking like a sad-act. If you go to Jimmy’s and get drunk it seems like you’re so desperate to pull that you’ll try anything. If you go on tinder and try to get a last-minute date, you’ll feel as though you have no integrity left whatsoever.

If you stay at home doing summatives you’ll seem like you’ve given up on life itself. And if you get together a group of friends and watch FRIENDS whilst downing shots of Ben & Jerry’s you’re officially a cliché. There is no good solution; you’ll feel lonely and inadequate no matter what you do.

Friends who are single but still have something going on

Perhaps the most annoying thing of all on Valentine’s is when those of your friends who are technically single but still have some kind of thing going on, be it with a fuckboy they met in Klute or with a genuine love-interest, act as though they’re in the same boat as you.

They’re so not. If you have someone to think about, to text, to flirt with, to hug, or just to stalk on Facebook, you’re not going to experience the same emotional rollercoaster as us absolutely single people. Just shut up and leave us alone with our misery already.

Stay strong. Don’t stalk your ex on Facebook. Try not to end the night crying whilst lovingly cradling a bottle of wine. Tomorrow is another day. Stay positive, and you’ll be fine. We’ll all be fine.