All the things that happen when you visit your best friend at uni

It’s like Freshers’ Week all over again


Going to different universities confirms your opinion that your uni is the best and their uni is a bit weird. These other things probably happen too…

You eat a lot

A hell of a lot. Your trip obviously starts with a cute “date night” which will also be the caption of the insta post the next morning. They take you to their favourite burger place and you have a pudding too because obviously you need the peanut butter stack to line your stomach for later.

The night out means a cheeky 20 chicken nugget share box (for one) at 3am and the next day you have to feed the hangover. If you don’t have to undo your jeans on the train back, your friend is a bad host.

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You get very drunk

All drinking games involve you being bullied, it’s like sport initiations all over again. You wake up with “beer fear” and discover that you slut dropping to Ariana Grande at 2am is the feature of everyone’s snapchat story.

With sick matted in your hair and last night’s mascara sliding down your face, you all laugh about what an absolute state you were in and you are now officially an honorary member of the group.

You try and get with the fit friend

Archie reads ancient history and likes to talk about the humbling experiences he had on his gap yahh. Archie likes long walks in the park and will only go to boutique cinemas.

He has quick wit and ready repartee and by the end of the pre Archie is incredibly attractive and your main goal of the evening. Archie is not interested, you’re far too mainstream. Or maybe that’s just me…

You suggest never have I ever

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In an attempt to convince your friends’ uni mates that you’re fucking classic, you reveal every tragic thing they did between the ages of fourteen and eighteen and it fucking works – they love you.

If you have pictures of that outfit they wore/ugly boy they got with then they love you even more.

You don’t like them all

The guy who says “orange” when it’s the rhyming round in ring of fire, the guy at school that lied and said he’d done no revision, the guy that eats all the cookie dough chunks out of the Ben and Jerry’s. Don’t be that guy.

He sits in the corner sipping his red stripe and you look at him and wonder why on earth anyone would want to be mates with him.

You get jealous

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The hardest part of the visit is you have to meet the new best friend. The sparkly, unay version of yourself. She’s cool and fun, they call each other “twinnie” and they have so many jokes where “you just had to be there”, they share each other’s crop tops and vodka, and you fucking hate the bitch. BE COOL.

Don’t let it show that you’ve stalked her a million times on Facebook and you know full well her last family holiday was to Malta, she has an Auntie called Sharon who comments and likes on all her pics and six years ago she made a status of Taylor Swift lyrics cause they’re soo relatable #cringe.

Instead talk at length about all the fun things you and your best friend have done and all the amazing memories you have and how much you love her. No, don’t do that either.

Regardless, within a few hours you realise she’s actually a legend, you’re buying her jager bombs and taking selfies in the club toilets.

You cry

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You’re saying your goodbyes at the train station, you’ve had such an amazing time you want to bring them back to uni with you and you’re hanging so badly you’ve got the shakes. It’s inevitable.

You come back to your shit friends

Two months ago they were the people you wanted to be your friends for life. Now they seem as just lame versions of your new besties.

You try researching whether you can transfer uni to do a Zoology degree but to no avail. You’re stuck with these losers for two more years.