What Durham course is the fittest?
We are all at university to study our academic passions, and yet our real passion is sharking on fellow course-members. Appreciating the beauty of your subject is something that makes uni uni.
So what is the most attractive course on campus?
What is sexier than power, control and a firm hand? Nothing. So don’t delay, just get in a heated debate with a politics student. They will sweat, they will labour, and trust me their methods aren’t conservative. Beware, these born leaders will use their firm hand to reach consensus and persuade you to vote yes in any kind of election.
Money is hot isn’t it? Economics students know that – in fact it’s their whole life. Knowing how to raise a stagnant economy, we have the economic stimulus needed for a night of pure market overheating. There’s definitely a correlation between their presence at pre-drinks and the inflation in men’s pants.
What’s sexier than travelling the world for a living? Just think of the air miles. One of Durham’s best kept secrets is the international man of mystery module, which is compulsory for all budding Bonds. Lectures include cocktail mixing, love making and misogyny 101. Did you also know due to our introduction to the Middle East module we can talk about the region almost like we had been there? How cultured we must be. But most importantly a study of international relations means for three years you can pretend that you’re going to work for a respected NGO once you graduate, until you inevitably take that cushy job that daddy set up in the City. Everyone knows bullshitting about morals is so much sexier than actually having them.
Law students are definitely the sexiest people on campus. We have virtually no contact hours, so can gym all day, every day if we wish, and even if we aren’t dench, you know we’re going to end up rich. Also, anyone who chooses to study a course for three years that they could have converted to in just one is a little bit arrogant, and who doesn’t love a tosser? Love us or hate us, you still want to bang us, because in the end we know how to get you off.
Largely filled with wannabe-politicians, PPE boasts a large number dapper slick young men, and ambitious cut-throat ladies. The guys and girls are well rounded by nature and can talk themselves out (or in) of all sorts of trouble. The Philosophy let’s them get deeper than you can handle, the Economics lets them approach things from all sort of angles, and the Politics teaches them the importance of a bit of sweet talking. Sexy all over.
Let’s be real here, Theology is packed full of posh, intelligent, good-looking people. Many of you chose Theology because it was their favourite subject at school. Too cool to actually have contact hours we’ll still be able to quote the Bible with a passion rarely seen. The Song of Songs is basically a sex how-to guide for oppressed Catholics. Kneeling down at church is basically part of the entry requirements – exactly the same can be said for your drunken pull.
Renowned for being deep, there’s no hard questions Philosophers won’t go on about for hours, literally hours. In fact, the harder the better. Strolling around in vintage garms their aloofness is filled with sexual mystery. Just like Schrodinger’s cat, they can be both equally a massive bell-end and have a massive bell-end, both at the same time. They’ll spend the whole time thinking about how to maximise your utility. Fulfilling your duty will make you morally praiseworthy, you Kant go wrong with a hot Philosopher.
Naturally medics are competitive people; we want to be the best in everything we do. We mix confidence with sensitivity, intelligence with sociability. We know the human body inside out in the most literal sense and after looking after ‘Gray’s anatomy’ we’re so desensitised to anal prolapse, discharge and blood that we end up being easily the dirtiest and kinkiest of the student body. We’re all so thrilled to see normal looking genitalia that despite potential awkward situations in our day job these sexual encounters are easily the funnest.
We all have a history, but only history students know the hard facts. Who better to learn from than the great men who plunged themselves into the depths of battlefields and know how to handle their sword? If Henry VIII picked up six chicks, a history student will be able to pick you up. If they discover you, your lonely single life will soon be history.
There’s something mysterious about a person who speaks two dead languages. Our lectures may be dead but our sex drive certainly isn’t. The lectures are filled with intelligent, fresh looking people who spend their time declining nouns these cunning linguists sure as hell know their stuff. Whether it’s Roman orgies or bulging Greek statues, us Classicists spend our life learning literally what the ancients can teach us.
History of Art
There’s nothing more sexy than someone who knows their Constructivism from their Fauvism. Nailing you to a wall just like a painting, we appreciate the inner beauty: if you look like a Picasso portrait we’ll call you ‘interesting’ and ‘explorative.’ Just like a luxe painting they can saunter around to their three contact hours a week with an air of complete lack of care. The Birth of Venus is our starting point in most modules, and she was literally born in a bit of Zeus’ sperm: we literally can’t escape an appreciation for Kandinsky-esque explosions.
All we have to do is read, and at that mostly fiction. You won’t find any wrinkles on our faces from thinking too hard (we prefer the term ponder), or from staring too long into the distance. With so much free time, we can spend the rest out of doors, whimsically tanning, reciting poetry and buying paisley cable knits. We don’t even need to go to the gym ever since carrying Ulysses to a seminar burns the same amount of calories. Nothing stresses us, we are the most relaxed and open-minded on campus and it shows in our well-kept hair and tortoise-shell glasses.
If you’re looking for sexual charisma look no further than a Psychologist. Freud nailed this one back in the 1900s, so don’t even try and repress that crush you have on your same-sex parent. Just lie back on the divan and let it all flood out. Regarding looks, we tend to be pretty too notch too. Basically we’re intellectuals who know your kinks better than even you do.