Where are the best toilets in Durham?

Who says The Tab is full of shit

The question we’ve all wanted to know the answer to since we walked through Klute’s hallowed doors for the first time. Where are the best facilities when nature calls? Well, there’s a poll at the end so you can decide for yourself.



Probably the only club in the country where the toilets are cleaner than the dance floor walls. With its prison style toilets and never working taps, this really is the Klute of the Durham toilet scene.



Who said putting a dance cage outside a toilet is a bad idea? Because if there’s anything better than drunk girls in a cage its recently refreshed drunk girls in a cage. Also extra points for the man in the corner handing out complimentary pound coins and lollipops, you’re a true gent.

Billy B


Because a sixth toilet break in one hour is really the perfect number to optimize your study regime. Legend has it that if you choose to wipe your arse with a copy of “A Short History of Nearly Everything” within this toilet, a secret passage opens up, taking you to the deepest depths of the university site, where a deadly creature is said to dwell. Unfortunately the Tab had better things to do with its time, so this rumor cannot be confirmed nor denied.

Lloyds (Girls only)


Makes even the most masculine rugby player question their allegiance to the male gene. One can only assume the Lloyds interior designer had a bad day at the office and mixed up “ladies toilets” with “private members club”, but be honest, who of us hasn’t done this at least once in our lives? Why a Spoons ladies has a sofa is as unanswerable as what Klute is like sober. Worth the stop just for the sit down.

Lloyds (Boys)


Added for the gender equality, but we all know our piss will never be the same with the knowledge that the girls have a bloody sofa. Anyway, who needs carpet and a potted plant in the corner of the room when you have not five, but six sinks! I know which one I’d choose.



That’s right! It has toilets! What else do you need for you to convince yourself to visit this rose among thorns? Complete with no mirrors to hide the contortion of you face from pure excitement, this place really does rank in “places you can shit in peace” category.