Billy B is sorting you into Hogwarts houses

Dumbledore wouldn’t stand for this


The Bill Bryson is sorting students into Harry Potter houses as they walk into the library.

Many have been outraged by their allocation, while others seem relieved that at least it’s not Trevs.

Through new, airport style entrance gates, students will be placed into houses. There are concerns you can’t change their House after its been allocated.

Charles White

Many have expressed their concern with English and Theology finalist Georgia Bustin extremely unhappy about the change.

The Collingwood girl said: “I was really fucked off. It took a full extra five seconds to get through the barrier, so I looked down and it told me I was in fucking Gryffindor. I don’t give a shit.”

Bustin ain't happy

Bustin ain’t happy

It comes as Professor Snape starts his job in the Theology department and a new term of Harry Potter modules begins in the Education Module. Durham, of course, was the setting for much of the film adaptations and if you want confirmation of that literally ask any Durham student ever.

The Bill Bryson has released a tragic video claiming “We think the Library is magic,” clearly ignoring the third year dissertation students slowly sobbing on Level Three.

In it the library suggests they are home to a restricted section, a floating staircase and no need to bring owls because of WiFi.

There has since been no correlation reported between Hatfield and Slytherin.