I pretended to be Jeremy Paxman on Grindr
It didn’t teach me much about politics, but I did get invited to join the Durham City Bumming Club
Politics isn’t a turn on.
Relationship experts, in their ironically infinite loneliness, find some solace in telling you to keep politics out of dating.
And, in fairness, it’s not often you read, “let me suck you off” followed by someone’s acute insight into the fiscal policy of New Labour.
The noticeable absence of politics in dating apps shows how we suppress such interests with a desire for testosterone-fuelled hook-ups.
This unhealthy taboo needed smashing, so here politics meets the world’s seediest dating app, Grindr.
Hopefully, this allows us to escape the average Durham: “I’m voting Tory because Daddy’s an investment banker” mind-set.
Also what’s better than asking the likes of Bigdickguy, BlindfoldMe, or DeepThroatKing for their political insight?
Starting the investigation, “Paxman” was warmly welcomed and even invited to join a local society.
Unfortunately, out of the 300 people messaged, just 42 gave an answer.
Labour was first with 16 pledges of support. Political heavyweights IHaveABigArse, HungTop, DomTopLad and Can’tBeArsed all backed Ed for the top job.
Tories trailed with 11 backers, including: Brit Hung Guy, Older4Younger and Discrete Wank. They claimed they simply couldn’t give the keys back to the guys who crashed the car.
In joint third place behind the Tories came the radical UKIP and Greens. The Greens hoovered up support from HornyBttm and SageBloke.
UKIP, on the other hand, wooed the heart of ImIntoFeet.
A paltry 3 users said they were voting Lib Dem despite Nick apparently being the most gay friendly political leader.
Among other answers was support for the SNP, the BNP (from the ironically-called Fun), and Monster Raving Looney from the more appropriately called, Monster Sausage.
Even stranger answers were pledges of support for both my mother’s and a user’s own sexual organs, neither of whom are Prospective Parliamentary Candidates.
Perhaps more shockingly however, was voter indecision and voter apathy.
Grindr’s democratic deficit suggests political disillusionment and more crucially rudeness: over 100 people didn’t reply to Paxo.