Tab Tries: Greggs vs. Cooplands

These two greasy bastions of Northern eating face off across Saddler Street near the Market Square, dominating the lunchtime customer scene and filling the streets with their tempting smells of grease and questionably sourced meats.

We’ve all seen them. We’ve all gone to Gregg’s. And we’ve all wondered- at least in passing- which shop actually does serve the best steak bakes.

Well, wonder no more.

One student with far too much time on her hands has taken it upon herself to find out which is the better bakery once and for all.

Armed with an empty stomach and a great deal of small change, I grabbed a housemate or two for moral support and set out to resolve the battle – Masterchef style.

Yum Yums

We all know- and probably all love- Yum Yums. They’re essentially a straight line of doughnut-like happiness; all the flavour, none of the difficult eating techniques.

Greggs

Appearance:

My housemate decided that the ‘gloss’ on the Yum-Yum was not sufficient, stating that ‘I like to be able to see my face in my doughnut’, and gave it a 7/10. This observation was fair enough, although I personally didn’t have a problem with pastry glossiness, and gave it 8/10.

Taste:

Picture a sugar-bomb in pastry form. That basically sums up what it tasted like, and in all honesty that was what it said on the tin, so I gave it 8/10. Sadly, for my fellow taster, it actually wasn’t sweet enough, and the mighty Yum-Yum was knocked down some points to 6/10.

Value for Money:

The pastry was available from Greggs for just 70 pence.

If you like semi-glossy, semi-sweet doughnuts then the Greggs Yum-Yum is definitely for you.

4 stars

Cooplands

Appearance:

Picture a more sugar-coated version of the Gregg’s Yum-Yum: blockier, browner and more deep-fat fried than its predecessor, this pastry looked like it had been bashed around before being put on the plate. My housemate, though, disagreed and gave it a 7/10 to my 6/10.

Taste:

This was definitely sweeter, and so for my tasting companion it hit the spot. It tastes of guilty pleasure; those doughtnuts you buy at the seafront knowing full well you’ve already had two beforehand. Not bad at all: 7/10.

Value for Money:

Top marks for this: it’s only 31p.

3 stars

Sausage Rolls

Was there ever a more guilty pleasure in the fast-food world? These things, when cooked properly, should taste like a comforting hug- or at least the food equivalent.

Greggs

Appearance:

What is there to say about a sausage roll? It looked like a roll should look: long, pastry brown, and latticed. Greggs had also thoughtfully heated it up as well, and for that alone I would give them 7/10.

Taste:

This surprisingly tasted quite good –  I enjoyed the sausage roll, and unlike the Yum-Yum it was filling. It was essentially a comforting hug of carbs and enjoyably soft meat, and for this I thought it merited a 8/10 at least. With a raised eyebrow worthy of Greg from Masterchef, my housemate also declared it edible and gave it a fellow 8/10.

Value for Money:

At eighty pence, this sausage roll was almost double the price of that at Coopland’s. So, was it worth it?

4 1/2 Stars

Cooplands

Appearance:

My housemate was bang to rights, and described this anemic looking piece of pastry as ‘depression in a paper bag.’ It was. 5/10.

Taste:

Almost as bad as the appearance, this roll was cold, squishy and so tasteless that I couldn’t even finish my half. Less a warm hug than an angry slap in the face, this roll was less than deserving of its 3/10 rating…which we were in complete agreement over.

Value for Money:

The roll cost a measly 45 p, but to be honest, at this point the price was more of a consolation than a bonus.

1 Star is all this travesty of a roll deserves

Bonus Round

I went out on a limb here and (on good authority) picked the most popular food item that each shop had to offer, in the hope of discovering a bake worth mythologizing.

Greggs weighed in with their infamous steak bake and Cooplands brought their celebrated Toffee Chocolate Danish Roll to the table, but who came out best?

Sadly, the results were a draw. Gregg’s Steak Bake was – although salty – delicious, as was the Coopland’s Danish – despite it being sweet enough to render me toothless within the day.

If you’re looking for a speciality bake as an end of day treat and don’t mind about the pressure you’ll be putting on the NHS in five years, then both chains are equally good!

The Result

Despite the tied Bonus Round there can only be one clear winner – and that’s Greggs.

Though Cooplands boasted a smaller price range worthy of the pinched student pockets, the food at Greggs was so much more edible that it’s worth forking out the extra forty pence for.