Durham’s Monopoly Board

Jail

Bill Bryson can definitely be classed as the jail of Durham- even as a self-inflicted one. Cast your minds back to those endless nights spent in a caffeine-fuelled haze as you sweated it out for your final exams, and wince.

The glass walls of the main building just make it worse, allowing you to stare wistfully at others enjoying their lives out in the fresh air whilst you’re trapped behind a wall of books; like if Saw decided to do a Teach First.

There’s no get out of jail free card, and if you make the mistake of losing your campus card then you could be trapped in there for life.

More intimidating than a full body search

Chance

Nobody really goes here outside of Fresher’s Week, and when we do it’s always with a certain air of trepidation. What goes on inside the DSU? It’s a mystery, and well deserving of the “Chance” option.

There’s a small chance of a nice surprise – like the free Domino’s pizza when you enter their quiz – but in general you’ll leave feeling as nonplussed and bitter as an unexpected cash pay out to every other player on the board. In monopoly and real life, you’ll end up wondering what the hell you’re paying for.

The stone takes a lot of maintenance

Income Tax

Let’s be honest here- to get into Hatfield you need to have a certain amount in your bank account. So what better to call this bastion of Jack Wills and country homes than the Income Tax square?

The college and buildings are lovely, and the “Nightender” college drink fulfils its purpose, but the aura of intimidation which surrounds the place makes it somewhere you don’t really want to land on a night out, especially if you value the health of your wallet over that of your liver.

Can’t tax you for sunshine

Utilities

Who ever really cares about this option? The most lacklustre square to land on: less exciting than scoring a Chance and less interesting than being able to wrestle a property away from the greedy hands of your fellow players, Josephine Butler sums this up perfectly.

The most distant of the colleges, it is often overlooked…and given the fact that it’s self-catered, it’s hardly worth the money you spend on it.

Made to be forgotten

 Treasure Chest

Where would we be without this cornucopia of student necessities? Dunelm is inevitably the place your night out starts: whether it be for alcohol, money or hummus, this place has it all.

It’s also pretty handily located between the Science Site and Elvet Riverside, making ideal for those last-minute cash grabs. The only downside- you have to drag it all the way back to your house afterwards.

Streets paved with gold

Mayfair

Almost every Durham student has applied to Castle, but only a few were ever lucky enough to get into the ‘Mayfair’ of this university. Like Mayfair, Castle is the place you rarely get your hands on, and like Mayfair, it’s the poshest of the bunch: anywhere you get to eat your meals in a Harry Potter-esque Great Hall is more than fine with me.

Only for winners

Trafalgar Square

The centre of London, the Monopoly Board and Durham: what’s more integral to the university’s identity than Klute? Whether it’s planned or unexpected, wanted or not, the chances are that most rogue nights out are going to end up in Klute.

Like Trafalgar Square, Klute contains many questionable individuals and even more pigeons, but there’s an aura to the place that means you always end up going back. The ultimate tourist destination, it’s undoubtedly the most important place to tick off your list if you want to experience the local cuisine.

Also likely to find a Nelson at half-mast