We went to the opera and had no idea what was going on

It was really confusing

noad

Tanked up on cheap white wine, a well-documented method of gaining affection, we watched the Durham Opera Ensemble’s Marriage of Figaro.

A “red chinos and Barbour” event with everyone you potentially went to Prep school with, but with some Magnums ice-creams.

Opera isn’t a working man’s club, but its not a snobby hobby (Photo: Kyle Wong

Arriving late and making everyone stand-up on Row W before we realised we were on V, we braced ourselves for operatic baptism.

For the woefully ill educated about opera, such as ourselves, we were given three rules:

  1. Don’t clap till the end of an Act.
  2. There should be clarity to each word sung.
  3. Use these to bullshit as much as possible.

Despite having more signet rings than the House of Lords, opera shouldn’t be an exclusive event but it does come across as intimidating.

Confused couples: what’s an aria

For one thing, the DOE performance was in English and you can’t really go wrong there.

And secondly the first cardinal rule of opera-watching was broken every time an actress held her note more than three seconds, so the audience hardly rivalled La Scala’s.

Plus, Figaro is hardly an anti-Semitic sing-song like Wagner or a gay wank-bank like Britten. So before you sneer at the DOE remember it could be worse.

One couple certainly was ‘getting more’ of the action (Photo: Kyle Wong)

The President of DOE, Lewis Whyte, remarked: “Opera’s reputation isn’t really deserved, as evidenced by the amount of students involved from all sorts of backgrounds.

“We also chose operas that are relatable to not only those performing but those watching. We had an extremely diverse audience consisting of both the student body and members of the local community.”

Extreme competition for quite a small-cast opera created grumbles in the music scene. But it paid off.

Everyone who got dolled up in a mock-YSL Mondrian dress really did belt, and despite being in the back row (free tickets FTW) we got what was going on.

We might not have understood the difference in every note or know what an aria is, or the difference between opera composers. But it was enjoyable.

Mozart could improve the whole love-twist thing by whacking in a lesbian relationship between Susanna and the Countess but thats excusable, being dead and all.

Missed opportunity: come on Mozart get with it! (Photo: Kyle Wong)

So despite being opera virgins, it wasn’t a) shit or b) only tiara wearing aristocrats: therefore a double win.