How to keep a long-distance relationship going

Worried about being away from your partner for the first time? Scared that being hundreds of miles apart might threaten your idyllic relationship? Well fortunately ORIEL WELLS is here with some handy tips to make sure that you’re still together by Christmas.

Have complete trust in your partner

Jealousy is the destructive factor behind most relationships, so don’t let the green-eyed monster get the better of you.

University is a time to go out and meet new people, whether this be through intellectual debate in lectures or whilst chundering outside Klute’s cheesy Tuesdays.

Therefore, you’re going to have to come to terms with your other half’s Facebook being full of pictures of them wrapped around various members of the opposite sex.

Just because they quickly untagged themselves from a blurry photo of them in a corner with a mysterious stranger, or the last time you called at 3am you heard a mysteriously out of breath voice in the background, doesn’t mean you have anything to worry about.

Clearly just friends

Send them cheeky mail

Keep it spicy by sending them a kinky bit of underwear in the post. Take a leaf from the books of the internet business moguls and wear said underwear for a series of continuous days to make sure your scent is truly ingrained in them; they won’t be able to get enough.

Go rogue with a pair of pheromone infused socks

Keep them updated

To avoid the painful longing of a long distance relationship, keep your partner updated on every minute detail of your life.

You might think that no one really cares about how long it took you to walk from home to lectures this morning, but you could not be more wrong!

Let them know every thought, feeling or musing that runs through your mind and don’t be put off by their lack of reply – they’re probably just storing all your thrilling information until they have time to reply in just as much detail.

The wonders of modern technology make keeping in touch even easier, so don’t miss an opportunity to skype them whilst making dinner so they can experience just how well you dice onions now. It’ll be like you never left!

Still no answer….

Forgive them for sleeping with your best friend

When all’s said and done does it really matter that this happened?

In a way isn’t it quite nice to see the two most important people in your life getting along so well?

Doesn’t it fill you with a kind of warm fuzzy feelings thinking of them together… alone… fucking.

Don’t worry, you can get through this.

The bitterness and hurt certainly won’t haunt you for the rest of your life and you most definitely won’t be filled with a raging resentment next time you see either of them.

In fact it’s perfectly healthy for this kind of thing to happen – monogamy is just a social construct anyway.



Ignore any negative comments

Sometimes the pressure of a long distance relationship might get too much and they might try to push you away with cruel comments or, indeed, break up with you. The important thing is to take no notice of their feelings or well-thought out arguments and keep attacking them with love.

It’s probably just a phase and they don’t really want to move on with their life and find someone who can actually be there for them whenever they need, in fact it’s probably just a rouse to get your attention. The more they tell you ‘it’s over’ and ‘I hate you’ the more they want it. Wait till they threaten you with a restraining order, then book a train up for a surprise visit. Bring flowers.

Who can say no to a cactus?