How to fake being attractive

We all want to look great, but some of us have had one too many beatings from the ugly stick. Luckily, LAURA IDDLES has some ways you can blag your way to looking smokin’.


Trust me, the dark realms of Loveshack, and with it your usual plan of aiming for the beer goggled drunks can seem far, far away when you’re stuck in Billy B for 9 hour days. You’re obviously going to have to be a bit more inventive if you’re looking for love during the exam period. Luckily, the Tab have got a few tips for you to try out to fool people into thinking you’re attractive, even in the daytime!

Talk incessantly about your gym sessions

If you didn’t have the pleasure of gracing a catwalk in a fashion show this year then people probably wont have seen 20 pictures of your bod splashed over Facebook (but they’ll probably also think you have a regular ego, so swings and roundabouts). However, assuming you’re not sporting crop tops in Loveshack, how will people know if you’ve got a cracking bod or not? Talk about how often you go to Freemans and chat reps, circuits and shit to imply you’ve got a silly sweet bod without actually having to show the evidence until the lights are off.

Do you even lift?

Eat quinoa in public places

If you’re eating healthy then chances are you’ll have great skin and a nice trim body, it just makes sense. So, logically, if you eat a healthy snack in public people will respect the fact that you are looking after your body and assume you’ve beautiful both inside and out! Just leave snacking on Pringles at 2am for the college bedroom.

Nobody needs to know your dirty secret

Wear fuck loads of makeup

Where have you been, haven’t you seen the porn star transformations?! They’re living proof that makeup makes you smokin’, I mean, what’s hotter than a porn star, right? In all seriousness, makeup is literally a saint, changing your face from mediocre to honey with a few small choice investments. Just make sure you tell people it’s all natural,  the ‘girl next door’ vibe is what you’re aiming for.

Subtle, bro

Play rugby/netball/lacrosse for Durham

Lets be honest, if the rugby boys were actually part of DUBC you wouldn’t look twice! And I’m not saying the netball girls aren’t already hot, but the thought of their athletic bods and fancy dress socials definitely makes them seem hotter. If you are actually capable of sport, get yourself on the Uni team, and up your rankings.


Hang out with hot people

The ‘Cheerleader Effect’ is definitely a thing. I shall explain: hot people hang out with hot people, therefore by association, if you happen to hang out with these people, you’re ‘hot’ too, even though it might not be physically true. Some guy once congratulated me on how aesthetically pleasing my housemates are and, for that, I’d like to publically say thank you, it took a lot of hard work!

It’s working for ya

Hang out with ugly people

If you’re not ridiculously unattractive, then why not try hanging out with some ugly bumpkins? By comparison you will seem beautiful, and also quite charitable for lowering yourself to their level of unsightliness. Win win really. This is also backed up by science. You’d be stupid not to listen to science.

Well, I tried