TabGuide: to Manscaping

Since the dawn of time, men have had pubes.  For the sexually active, metrosexual man of today, unlike the hominids of years gone by, the maintenance of his hanging gardens of Babylon has become a necessary task.

But how much should you remove? What style do you go for?  Should you trim or shave completely?  Such questions are of vital importance, as any slip up can cause catastrophe in the bedroom, or even worse, an unwanted trip to A&E.

I was unfortunate enough to have a somewhat embarrassing incident in which one of my first partners and I had matching hairstyles, so to speak.

Au naturel

To save you the trouble, The Tab has decided to give you expert insight into the various possible methods of groundskeeping the foliage of your loins.

Option 1 – Budget

Equipment needed – Nail Clippers/Scissors
Price – Free-£1

It’s half an hour before you’re due to go out and that girl on Tinder sounds like she might be keen; the issue is, your man garden is more untamed Amazon than Wimbledon lawn.

Safety scissors are a must

Take some scissors, stand in the shower or sit over a toilet bowl, and go to town.   Try a tidy trim.

Option 2 – Dry Shave

Equipment needed – Electric Shaver
Price – £40-£80

Investing in an electric shaver (or using one you’ve already got if you’re a renegade) is a wise choice.  You’ve got length settings and it’s a pretty easy job – what’s not to like?

A much safer option.

Same method as above but you’ll be done in a fraction of the time.  Significantly less of a scare factor.

Option 3 – Wet Shave

Equipment needed – razor; shaving cream or moisturiser
Price – £15

Here’s an option for you if you’d like to go bald eagle.

Shave as you’d usually do your now non-existent beard (because you definitely did Movember, right?)

The best a man can get?

But be bloody careful  – scraps of loo roll to cover nicks won’t help you here.  Stick some moisturiser on afterwards to stop the inevitable burn.

Option 4 – Pro Wax

Equipment – Courage
Price – £60

We’re recommending this over the home wax, because if you don’t know what you’re doing, you’re going to have some trouble sitting down for a while.

A charmingly named ‘back, sack and crack’, also known as the ‘mankini wax’ will set you back a bit, but you’ll get the professional treatment.

Rock the Borat look.

Regardless, expect pain.  And lots of it.

Rogue Option – Hair Removal Cream

Equipment – Hair removal cream
Price – £5

Stick it on and you’ll be as hairless and endearing as a naked mole rat.

Adorable

Pick it up from your local pharmacist or Amazon, as this intrepid user did:

Heed this brave soul’s warnings

So there we have it – the TabGuide to Manscaping.

What are you waiting for?  Get trimming, chaps.