How cokey is your college?

Late last year I noticed posters going up here and there in the Collingwood toilets, they went something along the lines of “evidence of cocaine use has been found in these toilets, we are watching you la la la”.

I know a few guys and girls that recreationally use drugs in Durham, but they tend to be more along the lines of weed and speed.

Who the hell is doing coke?

Le wipes

I mean honestly, what sort of student can afford coke?

Then I remembered it’s Durham. I probably don’t move in rah-hahy enough social circles to have encountered this cocaine subculture but, according to the poster, it’s rife.

Over the summer the problem clearly escalated because when we returned from the sun, Collingwood had drilled holes in the top of their toilet roll dispensers in the bar, to stop people racking up lines on them.

Collingwood cracks down on coke. To no avail (see the blue marks)

So I thought I’d investigate this cocaine matter further. Turns out you can buy cocaine detecting wipes pretty easily.

I started my night of vigilante investigation in Collingwood. Turns out drilling holes in the toilet role dispensers didn’t do the job because when the surface turns blue after having being wiped, it indicates the presence of cocaine.

My anonymous male accomplice and I went round a selection of Durham hangouts, with a limited supply of cocaine swabs. But so thickly has the famous white powder been laid upon the cities’ toilets, we ended up having to cut them in half.

Cleaning up Durham

There are definitely some scientific letdowns here. I couldn’t be arsed to walk up the steps to Aidans, or all the way to Hild Bede. I also forgot Ustinov existed, I am not prepared to go to Stockton on a bus and I couldn’t be bothered to go to Loveshack sober. For that I apologise.

These wipes also tend to work much better in white well-lit areas, something that most college bar toilets are but unfortunately most clubs aren’t.

This blower has given a lot of coke heads, a lot of happiness

Klute actually paints most of it’s surfaces black which makes it almost impossible to detect cocaine and NOVA held in loft was very dark with stainless steel surfaces, not ideal.

I also noticed that the cleaner toilets I went to were the least cokey (Castle) and the dirtier the most cokey (Mildert), but this is wasn’t always the case as Trevs were filthy and coke free.

To their credit, Cuth’s had anti-drug posters up and I also noticed that when we arrived the surfaces were already tinged blue, evidence that they had already been coke wiped that night.

I asked around and it turns out other people do know people who take cocaine. I got in touch with a few of them. Apparently it’s mainly the locals supplying the drugs to Durham with a select few students sourcing their stash from friends at larger universities such as Manchester and Leeds.

Gathering evidence with gloves on (toxic wipes)

I talked to one student who doesn’t tend to take many drugs in Durham, but does indulge in recreational use when on a Newcastle night. “I don’t see the point really in Durham, it’s kind of the equivalent of getting really pissed in the library or something.”

Others said that NOVA and other alternative nights are the ‘places to go’ if you want to take coke, although there is no suggestion that the NOVA advocates drug use. But WHO is taking it in college, and WHO on earth is taking coke in the library!

One secret sniffer admitted, “I’ve never indulged in the Library, though I have used ‘stimulants’ to ensure I can stay awake and finish work”, I assume he’s not referring to Red Bull.

On a radiator…in the library. The low before the high.

I wanted to know what taking coke is like…so I asked someone who has taken coke. “Cocaine is a celebratory drug, the high is one of euphoria and self confidence, it makes you sociable and horny. It also makes you boring and talk about yourself alot.”