10 people you find in ‘Lloydshack’

Everyone is completely binned, everyone complains about queuing in the freezing cold and everyone dreams of the inevitable urban oven before the taxi ride home. But just who is are the regulars of the sweaty confines of Durham’s most popular piss-up?

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1. The Stash Army

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Decked out in purple, they flood the place with incomprehensible post-game chanting and incestuous groping.

Most likely to: be lost in the sea of stash

2. The Golden Oldies

They’ve graduated and have returned to scout the freshers and moan about what’s changed since they were there.

Most likely to: leave at midnight complaining about the good old days

3. Rogue dancer

This guy or girl has lost all their friends but hasn’t lost the will to dance their way through the night, throwing out some odd shapes. At the very least, they keep the rest of us entertained.

Most likely to: be found front and centre on the stage, twerking.

4. The couple attached at the lips

They met and fell in love in the queue, now they must publicly consummate their new relationship by sliding their tongues down each other’s throats.

Most likely to: be pressed up against a pillar or wall. Grinding to follow.

5. The Shark

This guy or girl came with a mission, seek out easy target, pull, and walk home victorious.

Most likely to: be found sharking at the bar then sneaking out with early pull in tow

6. The drunken mess

They came, the downed, they chinned. Before dancing their worries away, collapsing on the nearest person and being forcibly carried home despite continuing to insist that they’re “fine guys, honestly, I was just resting”.

Most likely to: be carried out by a not so happy bouncer

7. Rugby boys

Blazers. Blazers everywhere.

Every Wednesday these likely lads return to their watering hole, driven to consuming mad levels of “Messer Schmitt” by yet another glorious victory.

Most likely to: be seen downing drinks and receiving tender loving care from an assorted collection of their “bints”.

8. Socials, socials, socials

Dressed as everything and anything, every year the outfits and themes get crazier.

Most likely to: wake up still covered in paint with half of someone else’s costume

9. Movember attempts

For the month of Movember we’ve seen the worst of the growing moustaches, now we come to the end and soon will see boys bare faced for December

Most likely to: Stroking their tash with pride

10. Photo bomber

Love them. Hate them. Either way, they’re in your life forever.

Most likely to: get a lot of ‘likes’ on their successful bomb in Monk’s Facebook album.