Revisited: Stereotypes: Old and New

Stash Wanker

We all love our stash. Apart from anything else it’s so bloody comfy, but come on boys and girls – variety is the spice of life.

The stash wanker is that person you know that seems to own no other rags than those that demonstrate how great they are at university sport.

Spot them: at Maiden Castle seeking gains

Worst offender: the rowers. When they aren’t rowing they’re talking, eating and farting about it. Rumour has it some of their mothers haven’t seen them without stash on for years.

Posh Twat

A Durham staple, the posh twat is an epidemic and in sharp contrast to the local Northern culture. Signet rings and geography degrees are musts. But remember: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know daaaling”

Spot them: red chinos, Barbour et al, prancing down the Bailey.

Most commonly heard saying: “What school were you at? Oh, so you must know…”

Catchphrase: “When a man is tired of the Bailey, he is tired of life; for there is on the Bailey all that life can afford”

International Import

Incomplete without any garment utterly inappropriate for the weather of the North. The international imports are the ones that will probably rule the world one day, but watching them trudge through Duz with sunglasses on in the rain and digital camera in hand, one is not reassured.

Spot them: Politics or Economics lectures, Cafe Rouge

Vital accessory: Macbook, iPod, iPhone, iPad…

The MacStarbs

These romantic intellectuals are here to change the world. The competition for ‘most brooding study pose in coffee shop of choice’ is fierce. They’re thinking of the people; how to elevate the masses. However, everyone really knows that Daddy bought them that Mac after they spilt Moet on the last one.

You know you’re one of these if you just looked up to check no-one knew we were talking about you. Or if after reading that, you just looked up. Gotcha.

Spot them: not kidding anyone at any big tax-dodging hot beverage tender.

Most commonly heard saying: “My DUCK expedition in Borneo really opened my eyes…”

#thespian

Sometimes it’s difficult being so intelligent, talented and ridiculously good-looking. The Thesp doesn’t expect normal mortals to understand. “This? Oh it’s Otello on film. No, I don’t mean Othello, I’m watching it in Italian. It’s the only way to truly grasp the beauty of the Dedemona’s Willow Song. Don’t you think?”

Spot them: quoting T. S. Elliot to one another on Palace Green.

Worst offender: English Lit. students take it hands down. DST members are obvious culprits too.

Anti-Durhamite

Less common than the scrunchie-wearing brother-creeper-donning ‘edge’ of Durham, the anti-Durhamite is nevertheless important. Refusal of anything resembling stash or popular branding, a lazy drawl and, of course, a skateboard are all integral to the look.

Spot them: at Fishtank blaming Taylor Swift and capitalism for the demise of modern society.

Tragic fate: they’ll end up as middle-class as the rest of us.

Hero: Somewhere between Francis Boulle and Lil’ Wayne. We’re confused too.

Token Northerner

It may come as a surprise to some of you, but there are some people at Durham that bide north of Birmingham. They are few and far between however, and know it. Every friendship group must have one, however, even if it just to have an accent to mimic.

Spot them: Halfway between Gregg’s and Bells, divided by indecision.

Pet hates: Supper, black tie, coffee, The Tab, coats, long hair, sunlight.