Con-fresh-ons!

This week the Tab has scoured every gossip hub, talked to numerous students and eavesdropped on far too many drunken conversations to find you the best and worst confessions from Freshers Week 2013.

Concensual Incestual

Who doesn’t love a bit of college family incest? Maybe this struck after a few too many glasses (bottles) of wine at a parenting formal. The older years do love to show the freshers how to have a good time…

The Golden Rule: NEVER VOM ON THE DINNER LADY

This is sure to earn you the worst pick of food for the rest of the year so we pity this poor fresher. However the unsuspecting dinner lady who found herself unceremoniously covered in chun can’t have had the best day either.

“You’re SO wet…wait, oh COME ON!”

No one likes a walk of shame from the Viaduct after a rough night, it’s even worse when a cloud of actual shame lingers on your still damp clothes. Lets hope this fresh didn’t give away too much of her identity or this story will last her whole time at Duz.

The Facebook Failure

Guess this chap is the only big name of campus. Pathetic or hilarious, I’ll let you decide.

“Up, please.”

I don’t know whether to be more disgusted that someone tried to defile a communal lift or laugh at the fact that the lift was the only thing going up that night. Hopefully a porter didn’t catch what was surely to be a magical moment and maybe the gent may reconsider that extra quaddie next time.

An example to follow.

I can only imagine the level of drunkenness this poor girl must have been in to be chatted up a tutu wearing, vomit covered fresh, we can only hope that she didn’t go home with him, or if she did that she showered excessively. Good work though freshling.