TabQuiz: How edgy are YOU?

Answer the questions, 1 point for each YES. See just how edgy you really are at the end.

The Dance: Can you skank?

Skanking sets you free. Your ability to flail, cut mean shapes and slice the bass like butter is the perfect encapsulation of your belief in freedom of expression and the result of long standing flirtations with your three P’s: posing, powder and pills.

One point for him

The Philosophy: Don’t wear a watch?

No. Why would you? It’s just another limit, a symbol of oppression. With watches, come stress and that ruins your vibe – especially when you realise that the house track you’re listening to drags on for longer than a Sunday sermon. Besides watches cost money and you’ve spent all yours on overpriced vinyl records.

Being edgy ain’t cheap…

The Accessories: Don flat caps or wrap up in a parka?

Having your boxers billowing over the waist of your jeans like a muffin top is so 90’s. But you still need to be gangsta. A flat cap with a twist lets people know you’re a man of the street, but that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Whilst the faded vintage parka lets everyone know you were wearing one well before Mr. Porter said they were ‘cool’.

He’s got the idea

The Outfit: Go retro, go vintage, hate Topshop?

You wouldn’t be seen dead in an institution for the generic like Topshop(man). Having cut your teeth on the vintage shops of London as an ‘alternative’ public school kid you know how to perfectly combine the timeless maverick look of Steve McQueen, the colours of an LSD rainbow and the patterns of an American Indian totem pole with the grungy subcultural overtones of your house hero Ben Pearce.  Despite all this effort to avoid the norm, underneath it all you still wear Calvin Kleins – they might have a hole in them though, just to keep em’ guessing.

Hurling homogenised dairy at the home of the homogeneous – it’s irony, but edgy

The Statement: A slightly dodging piercing?

You have one of these, nose rings are a bit far (can’t push the parents over the edge) but studs are the perfect way of ostentatiously advertising your alternative nature. But style without substance just won’t do: you spout empty anarchist threats and liberal sentiments but in reality you’re all talk. When you first walked into a polling station you voted Tory, and you always will.

Mummy would be proud…

The Hairstyle: Clipped or wild?

Clipped sides and back, or just one side if you’re a girl with some spunk, gives you a neat chic look that contrasts with the ‘give a fuck’ attitude of the rest of your long, slightly unwashed locks. But the combination is crucial – clipped all over you’re a pikey and an unkempt mane isn’t a representation of your inner wannabe hippie anarchist – it’s just a ‘shitlid’, even if you try hide it with a bandana (only otherwise worn by Columbian Drug Dealers and black guys in the Bronx with big heads).

“Give me my bandana back fool”

1/6 – You own a fancy dress flat cap. Irrelevant.

2/6 – The kid that crawls to peek over a cliff – scared of the edge.

3/6 – You look it. But you don’t live it. Blunt.

4/6 – You’re edgy. But now you’re there – you hate the label. It offends your individuality.

5/6 – Defying gravity, perennially edgy – but you never fall.

6/6 – You’ve fallen. You look homeless. Don’t be that guy.