Fashion Show Text-Ins

I recently had the dubious pleasure of co-presenting the Durham University Charity Fashion Show alongside the ever-popular Freddie Law. Sending us to the Somme with a peashooter would have been a fairer fight, however in a misguided attempt to make the show more interactive we gave out our numbers at the start, so we could read some observations, witticisms and one-liners. We thought it would be a great way to showcase some of Durham’s wit, intelligence and humour.

*All names have been turned into initials because, well, you’ll see.

Virginity Chat

‘Please congratulate KM on her anniversary of birth and also loss of virginity’

‘Sorry for breaking your (sic) hymen’

Both these charming texts were sent on the Friday night which, in all fairness, was a mainly first and second year crowd.

Model Jealousy

‘I should be up there, the majority of them are lumpy, Love JH’

Pictured: ‘Lumpy’

‘I can’t help but feel there shouldn’t be just the one Morris on the stage tonight, Love LM. Ps can two become one?’

‘I’ve got a cracking bod. I’ll streak the runway. VCDG’

‘HM, yes its me. I was meant to be the main face of the fashion show but turned it down #boss’

But the Prince Charming award 2013 has to go to
‘I reckon ICB should be on stage, much better rig than every other girl on stage. I smashed her on a Loveshack Wednesday. JW’

Indecent Proposal

‘Fancy a night with two girls? WS we are mopping up after ourselves. Love R and S xxx’

‘Scotty why have you been taken for long? Come play with me Love LM’

‘I would fuck both of you, love EU’ Later, the same number texts in ‘Lets fuck.’ ‘fuck me now’ ‘so horny’ ‘I am EU. Horny. Single. And ready to Fuck’

‘Fred. Fetch the condoms.’

‘Happy Birthday nik nak, fancy a bday shag? Love you ‘mystery castle from afar’ xxx’

Morale Boosters

‘Luke is a c**t’

Fred is a c**t’

‘You’re wearing a pre-tied bow tie, what are you doing at a fashion event?’ [Please note this was not aimed at me]

‘Is it 100% necessary to have an overview from you two between every single walk? We will never make it into Academy at this rate’

Quite a few people seemed mortally concerned that the ‘Monk’, organised party at Academy was going to start without them. However, I am told that lots of people got down there to have a great evening of dancing in a top quality venue.

‘I love Academy!’

Nickname Award of the Night: ‘Rod the Lizard’, followed closely by ‘Mystery Castle from afar.’

TEXT OF THE NIGHT:

3rd: ‘Tell the blonde model in the dress I want to take her out for a seafood dinner and NEVER CALL HER AGAIN.’

2nd: ‘Please can you give a shout out to CT, its (sic) his birthday. Also best of luck with the allegations of kidnapping and assault.’

BEST TEXT AWARD: ‘Tell security to move or we unleash the muffins. Muffin Assured Destruction.’

We hope everyone enjoyed their night and thanks to everyone who texted in.