Is pissing the new planking?

The image of Durham submerged in the Wear is familiar to us all by now, but reports have been leaked to The Tab of a different kind of flooding that is spilling onto the student scene.

During the bleak epoch between the end of freshers and the dawn of summative season, a pastime altogether more sinister and depraved than the traditional Jack Wills trolleydash or quaddie centurion is being enjoyed by some members of Durham’s filthy underbelly.

The idea? Have a piss, on the bar.

The method? Walk to bar, unzip, use bar as urinal, order drink over the top. “Preparation is required- one of the main obstacles I’ve encountered is wearing tight pants” commented one participant.

The motive? “It’s just funny isn’t it?” said a proud pisser. “Klute is shit anyway- it deserves it”

“There’s something banterously suave about ordering a drink and taking a piss at the same time, right in their face. Fuck you Studio!” shared another.

An anonymous pioneer has reflected on his experiences- “There are a number of reasons you’d piss in a club, but only two are justifiable. The first is if your friend has been stung by a jellyfish. The second is if you’re making a statement about the capitalist system. I was doing neither.”

Too much effort.

“We live in a decadent society don’t we- this is the next step.”

Is it just a one-off, or will this be the biggest thing since Gangnam Style/Pokémon?

“Once is an occurrence,
Twice is a statistical fluctuation,
Three times is a craze” noted one innocent bystander (something we would recommend- at least 1 metre to avoid any splashback.) “My mate did it last week- I’m worried.”

Cleaning staff in bars throughout Durham are on guard. One employee is sick of the behaviour, “It’s disgusting. They are taking the piss. If I see it, they’ll get thrown out and fined.” Another pointed out, “If it’s obvious human waste we’ll be paid extra for getting rid…”

Anarchy on the cobbled streets? A bold statement about Durham’s ‘posh twat’ rep? Or the result of a series of misjudgements on the part of Undergraduate Admissions?

“It’s no worse than being sick in the toilet”.

Erm, yes, it is.