The Fresh Commandments

The clouds parted and SAM HORBYE handed down five commandments unto mankind

1.  Arrive with an open mind: Upon pulling into my college I was confronted with a worrying but expected sight….the infamous Freps’ smashing their pots and pans like cave men. My initial thoughts were that these men and women were socially unique (a view aided by some Durham sources) and I told my parents to accelerate past them. In fact they turned out to be a truly superb team.

2. Make a good first impression: It was our 2nd night in my accommodation and we are having a party. I am consuming my 4th vodka and coke and suddenly a honey, donning a highly ambitious ballerina outfit, enters the room. She sits down, legs wide open, and begins to recount a plethora of sexual encounters before arriving at Durham. She is then sick along our corridor. Not a great start for her then, but now my college wife has made drastic and crucial improvements when drinking.

3. Be prepared for the Freshers fair: It was vital that my attendance at the fair was productive if I was to please my parents sufficiently that I was doing ‘something’ whilst at Durham; a university which prides itself on personal ambition and success. Having said this, nothing could have prepared me for the vast amount of stalls and their chatty attendants. After perusing for what I deemed a decent amount of time, I gave in and made a run for the Wine Society. I knew I was safe there. The thai kick boxing society also seemed like my cup of tea and I too was obliged to pop my name down.

4. Get your fingers in all the pies: Durham is a university with a ridiculous amount to do. I was pleased to see that my passions for scuba diving and darts were already hugely backed by students. Moreover, the university’s Cal Soc welcomed my bagpipes with open arms. Evidently, I have some bizarre hobbies but all this demonstrates just how diverse and accepting Durham is.

5. Sweet talk the dinner ladies: The amount of times I forgot my meal card was atrocious I am happy to admit that. However, what saved me from trekking back to my room was that by smiling, winking or simply saying ‘how are you’ to Pam or Trisha or whomever it may be, I was given a simple, and perhaps naughty, slap on the wrist for not bringing it. Moreover, come the weekend, the generosity of these lovely ladies means that brunch becomes reminiscent of ‘Man vs Food’ due to the illegal amounts of food on my plate.

I believe that by taking these 5 lessons on board, any fresher can have a cracking first week at Durham. I think the standard saying of 2nd, 3rd and 4th year students is true: ‘It only gets better’.