Durham’s Worst Pillow Talk

Earlier in the week the Durham Tab announced its search to find the worst piece of pillow talk from Freshers’ Week, and in true Durham fashion, we received plenty of embarrassing tales from between the sheets.

The Tab would like to send our congratulations to Kyle Thomas, whose pillow talk story was so bad it had the Tab team’s skin crawling:

“I was with a girl, who after sex dropped the massive most ridiculous bomb I’ve ever heard, this story is so ridiculous I feel that it is worth sending in just to make just a tiny positive of the horrible experience.
My last name is Thomas, a common last name, this girl’s last name was also Thomas. I didn’t think anything of it until after. When she asked me the name of my grandad. Turned out we have the same great grandfather. So we were cousins. I promptly ran out of the house blocked her on Facebook and cleaned myself with sand paper.”

So for all your trouble Kyle (not to mention the humiliation of shagging your cousin), the Tab awards you first place in our competition. Kyle wins a free table at CCTV this Sunday complete with two bottles of vodka on the night.

Of course, judging was difficult as we had many cringe-worthy entries, and so an honourable mention must go to Jessica Williams Bray for her awkward encounter:

“A few weeks ago, I went up to Newcastle to see my boyfriend and spend some time with him. As often happens with wildly hormonal teenagers, things got pretty hot and heavy.
Afterwards, we both collapsed on top of the covers and after catching his breath, my boyfriend turned to me, looked at my body and said “You know, it’s really weird that you don’t have a penis…” I didn’t know whether to laugh at how ridiculous this sounded or to be offended that he’d only just noticed? He tried to explain it away, saying “Yeah, but I’m used to having something there when I look down, it must be really weird for you!”…. Yeah, me and the rest of womankind…”

Congratulations to our winning entry, and never fear if you missed out this time – keep an eye out in the coming weeks for many more chances to win and have us pick up your Tab!