The Great Nipple Debate

LULU BRANTH on nipple étiquette

In our society of artificial cosmetic beauty, where push up bras are de rigour, the art of nipple seduction is being lost.  This is a tragedy.  The hint and wink of a nipple beneath a girl’s shirt is mad hot but so often gets bad press.

Slutty/inappropriate/tasteless, you name it, the nips are having an undeservedly hard time.  However, carefully considered, these reputations are quite mistaken.  Don’t get me wrong, this look is not for everyone, but nips are making their comeback and here’s why.

It lies in the fact that it gives the impression of nonchalant sex appeal rather than the overt kind.  A girl with her nips out under a thin loose white v neck calls closer to ‘I just rolled out of bed and couldn’t be fucked to put underwear on’ than any slutty ‘look at my tittles’ vibe.  The former, in my opinion is a damn lot sexier than any girl who looks like she’s spent hours pruning in front of a mirror. There are of course, some conditions.  I dread to think about the horrific consequences Durham could face if too many girls were unduly and uneducatedly influenced by this humble article.

Firstly; the nipple itself, must, absolutely, if ‘on show’ be erect.  Flowery/puffy/swollen buds are completely detrimental to pulling this look off.  Everyone knows that cold tits look better.  They are firmer, rounder and unequivocally just better.  The naked boob can deal, aesthetically, with a hot nip.

Clothes however, cannot.  Try if you must, but be prepared to look more cow udder-ry than Kate Moss.  Do whatever it takes to maintain perfect erectness… Try covert (hand under shirt, facing a wall) pinching or squeezing.  Even tickling can do the trick.

Durham Weather is fortunately on our side, being close to freezing most of the time, but ready to hand ice cubes might not be such a bad call.  If none of the above suit, in a world of supply and demand, (I’m telling you it’s a popular look) purchase yourself some fake stick on erect nipples.  Genius.  Just please remember to remove them before you shag.

Yes, they’re real

Secondly; size. Now I hate to come across as sizist but the best lady for this job is the one not so well endowed.  Small breast rocking rock hard nipples under a silk shift/cashmere jumper/flimsy shirt are ace.  It looks bohemian and sexy.  Add tousled hair, with strands casually pinned up, some good jeans et viola; understated sex on legs.

Big titties have less of an easy time getting aboard the nipples movement.  The accompanying garment probably shouldn’t be too tight, lest you scream hooker rather than insouciant.  Floatier materials like silk and chiffon are hooters’ friends whilst cotton can be a real bitch to the C plus cup.  Cotton and nips on big tits can look a bit ‘breast feeder’ if you know what I mean.

However the real issue here is not so much the clothing, it’s…the jiggle.  Nipples on show look good when they stay in one place.  The problem with beautiful big bouncing breasts is exactly that; the bounce.  However with a non-padded, barely there bra, the excess movement goes and the nipples still come out to play.

Thirdly; Be aware of the occasion.  I love nipples, I really do, and would recommend them on most occasions, day and night.  However any formal event that isn’t remotely arts/trendy/fashionable will most likely scowl at your beady eyes.  Sometimes, most unfortunately, perky nips are just not the polite thing to do.

Thus I present my guidelines for getting your nips out without faux pas.  Of course I’m sure there are some (ladylike/prudish) students reading this aghast with horror at the uncouth nature of what I suggest but if you are sitting on the fence, please do give it a try.  Durham will become a better place, where four eyes are better than two, and I’m sure if anything, at least the men will be happy.