University Professor unearths mystery behind animosity towards unicyclists

The debate around Unicycling continues

professor Unicycle

A recent study from a dermatology professor at the University of Newcastle has casued widespread outrage across the unicycling community in Durham


Profesor Shuster has recently conducted a ground breaking study into the attitudes of people towards unicylists. He decided to embark on this "quest for knowledge" due to several unfortunate personal experiences while indulging his favourite past-time of unicyling.


He described often receiving abuse and extremely hostile remarks towards him while mounted on top of his wheel. He said this abuse has spread about his local town like a rash and it had really begun to get under his skin. As any discerning professor of dermatology would, he decided the reasons for this hostility had to be investigated further (luckily not using Government funding).


The results of his study, which incorporated the views of over 30 unicyclists, have recently been published in the British Medical Journal during a particularly arid period for reputable research.


They revealed that women and children tended to give warm and kind receptions to his single wheeled japery. In contrast, males tended to hurl abuse, throw missiles and often encouraged him to "fall off". He concluded this disturbing pattern of results was due to the male sense of humor stemming from elevated levels of aggression.

Proffesor Shusters' findings have been described as "extremely revealing" by one insider from the Durham Unicyling community. The source who wishes to remain anonymous also said, " this could help explain The Whisperers extremely inflammatory article last term."


The article in question laid out five reasons why The Whisperer dislikes an unnamed unicyclist around Durham. It provoked outrage among some readers who labeled the author as "a definite 2:2 candidate" and told the author that he should "eat it". It still remains unclear what The Whisperer should have eaten, but he has reportedly taken these astute comments into consideration.


The One managed to catch up with their equine journalist who commented, "this paper does not make me want to change my views, if anything it compounds them. The student Unicyclist remains a complete tit in my eyes."

It is currently unkown whether Professor Shuster has decided to return to his dermatological research. What is clear though is that the debate as to whether unicycling is an acceptable mode of transport is still a hotly contested topic.