Who’s On Your To Do List?

ALEX MANSELL on how you should be starting the term

Alex Mansell list sex

Ok ladies and gentlemen, as we are a week into our second term, I want you all to take note. This should undoubtedly be the best term of the year. First term, we were just getting our bearings again and laying down the groundwork with potential pulls. Gold Rush aside, final term will be a melange of stress, misery and unsatisfied lust as we while away endless days in the library.

Conclusion? NOW is the time to turn that groundwork into results, so take some time to reread my past articles on wingmanning and cockblocking (genuine call to re-educate yourselves or casual plug? You decide), and get yourselves ready for Refreshers.

Make a special effort to look f*cking hot for the first two weeks of the term: summatives are a long way off for most and we’ve all been missing the plethora of willing and ready bodies in Academy/Klute/Lloyds, so you need to strike while the iron is hot.

While some people have a To Do list for general tasks, YOU should have a To Do list with people’s names on it. Here I’ve compiled some potentials that could be included on your Hit List:

1) The lecture buddy. You have seminars together, so see them on a regular basis but it never seems to go beyond that. If you see them on a night out you might flash them a cheeky smile and say hi but that’s it. Less of this small-talk nonsense. Next time you see them out, go in for the drunken hug. Make a shit joke about the strange boy in your seminar. Whatever, anything that will make your mediocre encounters more playful and flirty, so you have something to say to them at the next lecture. And if you do get lucky, you gotta love the awkwardness of having to see them sober for the rest of the year.

2) The previous conquest. So at some point last term/year you got lucky. Maybe you just pulled, maybe you went all the way, but either way, you’re hungry for more, and for some reason, be it wrong place, wrong time, whatever, it hasn’t happened again. You can afford not to play games with this one: we’re assuming they already fancy you given they’ve got physical, so I’m prepared to say you can probably fling your drunken self their way and if they’re horny, they’ll be up for it. (Be wary with this one: the reason there hasn’t been a repeat performance might be that they weren’t into it/they regretted it/you were shit. Not that that should stop you. Persist long enough and they might give you a pity shag).

3) The library friend. You somehow always both manage to be in the library at the same time. Sometimes your eyes meet, sometimes you inadvertently smile. Seeing them outside the library, your faces both display a flicker of recognition but you obviously can’t act upon it: this person is after all a stranger. Next time you both find yourselves in the Yum Café, it’s worth striking up some sort of conversation, maybe starting along the lines of “So why are you *always* here?”. Not the best line in the world I know but they’ll most likely be grateful you’ve been the one to break the ice, and from just this one convo you’ll be able to see if they’re into it. If they don’t take so well to your talking to them, it might be that you imagined the sexual tension, and they were wondering who the f*ck is this weirdo that kept looking at them was. Not sure I can help you with that one…

4) The mutual friend – you’ve vaguely met through a shared acquaintance; there’s an obvious sexual chemistry but neither of you have acted on it yet. You might end up at the same house party or night out from time to time but never seem to get round to having a proper conversation. At the next opportunity, forsake all others and throw your drunken self into their presence. I understand you feel this is risky given you have mutual but if it all goes wrong, just use the perfect get out clause: blame it on the Sambuca.

Whoever they are, whatever their context, don’t let them be the one that got away. Get in there, get on it, and I’ll see you this term đŸ˜‰