Medieval uprising threatens Durham
Is Durham’s Treasure Trap a force for good or evil?
Fears have been raised over the potential of a revolutionary uprising by Durham’s medieval fighting society, Treasure Trap.
Treasure Trap is a fantasy role-playing community that has been running in Durham for almost thirty years. It requires members to dress in medieval attire and adopt characters such as a warlock or elf lord as they interact and fight with each other in the city and woods of Durham.
In the wake of Klutegate, an inside source has revealed the society might be considering an armed uprising to revert Durham to the medieval city, Durholme, after disillusionment with nightlife offerings.
With a vast stockpile of weapons including spears and javelins at their disposal, the society is well equipped for a brief military campaign. Reassuringly, any potential invasion will be conducted in honourable fashion. In the society’s legal tome, Combat Mechanics, guidelines when using a javelin include, “you must not aim for the face, breasts or groin”.
The underground website, ‘Having a LARP’ is believed to be the chief supplier of Treasure trap equipment but any political affiliations have been well concealed. Indeed, the only large donation detected to the website was from disgraced Italian Prime Minister, Silvio Berlusconi. Although it is believed his concept of medieval role-play differed from that of ‘Having a LARP’s’.
The One have also procured what appears to be a recruitment video that has been doing the rounds in the online medieval community in the hope that swordsmen across the land might champion their cause.
The society enjoyed a proactive Fresher’s Fair, and the ground outside the DSU became fabled for its ferocious duels. A warning, some have speculated, to the unsuspecting Durham student.
The society allegedly has ties to other neo-feudalistic organisations across Britain, including the Norwich Dungeon and Dragons Society, whose controversial leader has been described as “right of Hitler”.
Not simply a martial community, morale-raising activities have been organised, such as the upcoming performance of ‘Orcs the musical’. On some glorious nights, the society’s flagship ballad, ‘The Three Dirty Goblins’ (composer unknown), is said to ring merrily through the taverns of Durham.
When asked if the Durham police force have the military resources to quell a potential uprising, freelance consultant Will Beaving offered little sympathy. “If you account for the possible invasion routes, including some form of naval assault, then we’re talking about a highly-trained and mobile task force needed at the very least. Or at least one that doesn’t spend their nights handing out sweets to battered students.”
The question remains, is Durham prepared?
*Editor’s note: suggestions in this article are of a speculative nature and the DUTT are, by all accounts, a minor threat. The opinion of the preparedness of Durham’s police force is that of Will Beaving and does not reflect the One’s.