I’ve noticed you’re around… I find you very attractive… would you go to bed with me?

“And the shit, shock, horror/You’ve seen your future bride/Oh, but it’s oh so absurd/For you to say the first word”. Ahh the sage words of the Arctic Monkeys. Whenever I listen to Dancing Shoes, it occurs to me just how much they ring true, especially in Durham.

We have the perfect setting to get chatting to people we’re attracted to yet we just don’t do it. Whether it be mechanical bull banter at Jimmy A’s, college bar drinks rivalry or socials with ridiculous costumes, a talking point can be found anywhere and everywhere. Even complaining about the stickiness of the Klute dance floor gives you something to bond over.

With such opportunities to chat, why then does no one go for it? Why do we resort to techniques such as the classic ‘If I dance near him long enough he’ll notice’ or ‘If I grind on her she’ll get the message’? Why do guys get their friends to say something? Why do they just make laddy comments such as “I’d have a go” when a girl walks past? Why has no one seemed to master the art of conversation?

Another no-no is being plain scary – one time a guy sidled up beside me at the bar at Klute and before I’d had a chance to register his presence he came out with “Can I buy you a drink?” Taken aback by this direct approach, I instantly reacted “No!” which is unduly harsh, but to be fair, he was so abrupt as to make it slightly intimidating and a little creepy.

The key is, people, to keep it light and casual. Don’t appear to have an agenda. Don’t make it obvious what you want even if you want to scream “TAKE ME NOW!” The best way really is by starting a light-hearted chat about something. Anything. If they’re interested, it’ll go beyond that. If you realise you’re not feeling it you can say you need to “find your friend cos she’s soooo pissed”.

Equally, if the target isn’t feeling it, they will make it quite clear in the form of “I’m just going to the toilet” and not returning, or being miraculously rescued by a friend. What have you lost? Maybe a little dignity, but let’s face it, it’s a night out – you have to expect to lose dignity one way or another.

And what you stand to gain completely overrides this: either you get lucky and make the pull, or, if unsuccessful, you’ve gained the empowering feeling that you took control of a situation and didn’t let fear bring you down; you’ve experienced the worst that can happen – rejection– and discovered it isn’t so bad.

I’ve experienced someone using the casual chatting approach only once in Durham, and it worked. On first glance I wasn’t particularly taken with him, but his confidence when chatting and then his personality completely won me over, and guess what – we pulled.

Never did I think I could be so drawn in by personality when I wasn’t initially wowed by looks, but I was disproved. Getting to know someone on a personal level makes it so much more fun when you end up on a physical level, and let’s face it, how much can you really achieve this when the initial stages consist of mutual groping on the dance floor without an actual word spoken?

I understand a lot of people prefer it this way – they want a no strings drunken pull (or more) without having to really know the other person. But I’ve found the best pulls always come from chatting first: sexual tension arises from the chemistry conversation provokes; you start to realise you both want each other, both want to make a move and then BAM – someone does make a move, and the build up makes it that much sweeter. And all you had to do was say hi.

So this term, and for the whole of your time at Durham, take the initiative, bite the bullet, and don’t as the Arctic Monkeys say, “just do the same as they all do, and hope for the best”.