Who Needs Old Age?

Short of making a Gary Speed joke, Jeremy Clarkson couldn’t really have been more controversial this week. The Top Gear presenter, a man who has about as much tact as a racist with Tourette’s, appeared on the organ of human retardation that is The One Show (thankfully, despite its name, not affiliated with this esteemed publication whatsoever) to say that, with respect to the public sector strikers, he would ‘have them all shot’ and that he’d ‘take them outside and execute them in front of their families’.

Now, I’m not here to talk about whether the Pied Piper of pricks and petrolheads was or wasn’t right to order the annihilation of the public sector, as such discussions merely serve as to inflate Clarkson’s divisive brand and thus fatten up his already obese bank account.

No, today, Summerlin’s me name and pensions are me game. It’s reasonably easy to sum up.

What with us having been about a week away in 2008 from having to bolt the door at 5pm, sit on our sofas with a shotgun on our laps and wait for the inevitable anarchy, governments feel it might be best that we don’t get so close to financial Armageddon again.

For example, the UK government thinks the public sector should have to work longer, for less money while having to pay more into their pension schemes.

The unions are up in arms because they don’t want to have to work longer, for less money while having to pay more into their pension schemes.

You can see where the dispute arises I‘m sure.

So the dilemma, apparently, is this. Either the government relents and finds another way to make savings (about as likely as an inspirational Ed Miliband appearance), or the public sector (and, in all likelihood, the private sector too) will have to work until they’re ancient, making government agencies seem like an eternal Last Of The Summer Wine fan convention but without the sense of warmth and hope.

However, is there another way? There is this rather ridiculous assumption in this debate that longevity of life is something that should be aspired to. The cry goes up; ‘work hard to save for your retirement’ as if having the purchasing power to buy a replacement colostomy bag at the age of 97 is the pinnacle of human achievement.

I'm not advocating some sort of James Dean Live-Fast-Die-Young policy but but by definition a pension is your income for when you're unable to support yourself. It is true that studies show happiness peaking in older age but there was a really grumpy pensioner in Coral earlier so that's all the evidence I need.

So if you're worried that you're drinking too much, you're probably not drinking enough. Your friends peer pressuring you into taking crystal meth? Give it a go. Busy traffic on North Road? You'll probably be fine. And when you discover asbestos at your workplace in years to come, keep it on the down low.

David Cameron, I await your call.