Big Brother 2012 – The Ins and Outs

Claudia Fellerman keeps you up to date with this year’s CBB.

big brother celebrity eviction reality tv

So everyone thought that Big Brother was long gone. In fact, Davina stood on a stage and literally said farewell.

However what we weren’t told was that it was only goodbye Channel 4 and hello Channel 5. So alas, Big Brother was not gone. No, the format remains the same, the voiceover guy is still great, the house is a bit snazzier, and the host, well the host is more irritating than even Davina McCall. I have to admit, I didn’t watch the ‘first’ series, because, well as a rule I try and avoid Channel 5 because it tends to host utter sh*te, but I’m always somewhat intrigued by the celebrity versions. When I say celebrity, I obviously mean a handful of C List nobodies and has-beens who want to revive (or begin!) their careers, hoping to achieve that oh so coveted cover of OK! Magazine.

So even though it’s already day 10 in the Big Brother house (it’s not as fun if you don’t say it in a Geordie accent but oh well!), let’s break down this year’s housemates, who are hoping to flirt and bitch their way to stardom. See how many you’ve actually heard of…

The Boys
Gareth Thomas. Welsh rugby player who got lost and ended up on Big Brother. Seems like the genuinely nicest man in the world – you kind of want him to be your best mate, although he doesn’t say a right lot. Sweet though. And great abs.
Frankie Cocozza. On the other hand, you want to punch Frankie in the face. Or at least I do. The big haired ‘lad’ who got himself kicked off the X Factor for basically being too much of a lad. Whoops. Hair has potentially grown since his X Factor days, his conversational skills however have not.
Romeo Dunn. You may remember Romeo from So Solid Crew? You also may not? He did a song with Christina Milian too, something about gravy? Another fellow who seems rather sweet, when he actually talks that is. He seems to just sit about with his hood up, not really doing much. Potentially thinking up new material to dazzle us with when he leaves the house?!?!
Kirk Norcross. One for all the TOWIE fans out there. Likes to call people ‘doughnuts,’ and flirt with the twins, Georgie and Natasha (basically anyone with boobs). Seems to be starting a bromance with Frankie, which is beautiful to watch. Has already invited Georgia to go on holiday with him after the show, which I think is supposed to be a first date? Maybe that’s how they roll in Essex?
Michael Madsen. The most famous one of the lot, who seems to have absolutely no idea why he’s there. Has made over 170 films, including Reservoir Dogs and Kill Bill, so is pretty much up there in the world of Hollywood. Like the American twins, he has no idea who anyone else is so keeps himself to himself.

The Girls
Natalie Cassidy. Perhaps one of only two women in there who actually says what she thinks about people to their faces. Coming across as a genuinely nice person, albeit a little crazy, people seem to like her and she’s pretty unoffensive in comparison.
Denise Welch. Rather likable and the second of the two women who say what they think – she is a loose woman after all so I’d be pretty shocked if she wasn’t quite blunt and straight-forward. Mood swings are noticeable, but again, doesn’t bring too much bitching and moaning to the house.
Nicola McLean. The self-admitted bitch of the house. Given the role of the Big Bad Wolf during a fairytale task, Nicola definitely says what’s on her mind in the diary room, although that doesn’t always add up to what she says to people’s faces. By the sounds of it, she enjoys a good twitter war (apparently that’s when you slag people off from the comfort of your own home!?) and seems to think that if you say something mean with a smile on your face then it’s not quite so bitchy.
Georgia Salpa. WHO?? I hear you cry. Yes, I’d never seen her before either. An Irish glamour model who’s boobs are gasp real, as Kirk was delighted to find out, and who is often compared to Kim Kardashian. Decide for yourselves whether to take that as a positive or a negative. Brings absolutely nothing to the table, as Nicola kindly told her to her face, unless you count being constantly oogled by Kirk.
Kristina and Karissa Shannon. I hear it again, WHO!? Twin playmates from America. You can imagine what these two bring to the house. Bless Frankie’s unsure what to do with himself – apparently the fact that they’re gorgeous, twins and American makes them completely unapproachable. Because he’d have a chance otherwise?!? They’re actually pretty funny, especially because they don’t have a clue who anyone else is, and they believe that they’re the best things since sliced bread.

Already Evicted
Andrew Stone. Ridiculously flexible (and not afraid to show it) dancer from Pineapple Dance Studios. Never seen it personally so no idea who he is, but seems rather fond of himself, claiming repeatedly to be brilliant but ‘marmite’ TV and deemed himself more attractive than Denise, Natalie, Gareth, Kirk and basically everyone else in there during the fairytale task.
Natasha Giggs. Unless you live in a box, you’ll have heard of this one. 8 year affair with her brother-in-law? Ring any bells? Actually came across like a genuinely nice person, but who really knows!?

So there you have it, Celebrity Big Brother 2012. Did you recognise anyone? So far, Jodie Marsh and Jedward have been sent into the house to initiate tasks and ‘mix things up,’ so who knows what’s going to happen next. Most viewers, like with previous series’ of Big Brother, will probably get bored after the second week and stop watching. Can’t say I blame them.