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15 ways a night out in Cov can get truly fucked up

We’ve all ruined a few nights out in our time

| UPDATED

There are many ways in which a night out in Cov can become truly and utterly fucked up. Let’s set the scene for an example: It’s a Friday night and the guy you awkwardly ghosted a few weeks ago has randomly strolled into your mates pres. What do you do? Drink. Drink to excess. Ultimately fuck it up.

From excessively vomiting in your sink to breaking your bones, you’ve definitely experienced your night getting fucked up in one of these 15 ways.

1. Not even making it past pre-drinks

Now this one is pretty standard, most definitely you or one of your friends has not even made it out, and if there’s only a small group of you it definitely kills the vibe a bit. Even worse if they’ve passed out before making it into any bed they can find, and you end up carrying them round like a dead body.

Not only does everyone else have to take shifts to look after you, they also have to sober themselves up just before going out, in order to make sure you don’t choke on your sick.

2. Vomming all over someone

So turns out this is one of the most common but worst ways to ruin someone’s night. Not only is being sick kinda gross, but imagine being drenched in someone else’s half digested tuna pasta bake. VILE.

You can’t make this shit up, when you’ve been there it’s the best way to put a damper on things. You then end up having to spend the next 40 minutes in the toilets washing your top in the sink and convincing the toilet lady that it’s a) not your sick and b) to give you a free spray so you don’t smell.

Especially if you’re sick in the upstairs room of Kazzy B and you all end up looking down at your sick lit up by the LED dance floor. Deffo not talking from experience or anything.

3: Being the only one to get kicked out the club

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An action shot of being dragged out the club

I’m sorry but the AUDACITY of that one friend when they are the only one to get kicked out and expect all of you to stop your night and join them on the curb is so bloody rude, especially if it’s all the way out at JJ’s.

It goes without saying that we do not recommend doing anything to get yourself kicked out of the club. But if you end up in that situation, it’s really peak and to then drag everyone else into it? Major dickhead points.

4. Starting an argument

One way to make sure everyone’s night is totally ruined is to start an argument, especially if it’s one that’s been brewing for a while. Whether you’re all just great friends or you’re housemates, forcing the rest of the group to mollycoddle your drunken rage and upset isn’t fair, not even a tiny bit.

One person is always crying on one side of Kasbah smokers and another is stood in the Grill area fuming that they’re “just playing the victim” and tbh, everyone is over both of your shit. Not even Mr Brightside can cheer the mood and you all may as well just go home. Not even Spice Lounge or K Rush can fix this mess.

5. Having to go to A&E

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bro this morphine is lit af

NHS WE’RE SORRY WE LOVE U. It’s just one fat mess. At least one person has to go with you and you’re both sat in the waiting room for a good five hours listening to the receptionists tut and complain about drunk people while glaring your way.

Unless you’ve had to get an ambulance and whoever’s accompanied you has to wait on their own, slowly but surely sobering up hating your fucking guts. Neither one of you can just go to sleep like you really want to and you’re no doubt about to get a hefty lecture by the nurse, doctor AND your mum when you get home.

6. Convincing everyone to go to a different club cus ‘this one’s shit’

https://twitter.com/ekd1v07/status/1106272013344227330

We’ve all seen this Brexit tweet, and we all know it’s one hell of a way to ruin the night. It’s always only one person that isn’t feeling the vibe in Kasbah on a Friday and “got told that JJ’s on a Friday is actually pretty good”. So off you all trot to JJ’s instead because the constant moaning is boring.

Then you’ll find that JJ’s stops admitting entry way earlier than you expected and now you’re all stood on the edge of Spon Street arguing knowing that by the time you trek back to Kasbah they won’t let you back in either. Sigh. Just decide where you’re going and stick with it, no one wants to be stuck in the kebab shop.

7. Doing too many drugs

People do drugs okay. Cocaine is real. So is ket, and nearly everyone you know either does it regularly or has at least tried it once. BUT there’s always that one person that has to take it too far. They will ruin your night.

Having to constantly go to the toilets and pretend you aren’t doing anything while you all crowd into the same toilet cubicle, is fine if you’re part of the substance circle, otherwise it’s super annoying.

Let’s also talk about the never-ending need for water, always having to queue at the bar because someone else is about to die. AND THEN there is tomorrow mornings Snapchat stories and someone’s caught you off guard with white around your nose and red eye, maybe even a cheeky jaw swing Amber Gill style and basically now you’ve been outed as a nitty.

8. Not lining your stomach

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You’re not you when you’re hungry, have a snickers

This one can go wrong in many ways. If you don’t line your stomach then you’re probably gonna die anyway. It’s practically science, that vodka is gonna hit you harder than it usually does. Flash forward and you become a liability after two hours and someone has to look after you.

On the other hand, you might be just fine, but guaranteed about half an hour after arriving at the club you’ll get hungry, and Maccies starts screaming your name. The moment you dip for food is the moment your night is finished and your friends who you’ve dragged with you will be resenting you over their slightly cold nuggets.

9. Judging the queue time badly

Swear to God there is nothing more annoying than convincing the whole group at pres to not leave until at least 12pm to head over to Kazzy B. Unfortunately you thought wrong.

Now everything is your fault and because everyone had the extra 30 minutes to drink no one has any journey juice left for the wait. By the time you get there, the queue is round the corner nearly touching Creams. The most disappointing part is that everyone is freezing outside and all getting sober. Congratulations on ruining the night.

10. Mixing your drinks

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rum and red stripe in theory but not practice

This is an unwritten golden rule, NEVER mix your drinks. Don’t be that fool that thinks they can handle beer and then double vodka’s and a few jager bombs. Not a good idea.

Dunno if your mum instilled this in you before leaving for uni, but if she didn’t then she clearly doesn’t care about you. But seriously, read it again. Mixing your drinks is awful for your own good. Sorry we don’t make the rules.

11. Being the only one left in the club

This one hurts in the heart. That feeling when you finally finish that conversation with the guy you’ve been trying to pull, turn around to go inside and no one is there anymore. You text, you call, you sashay from one side of the main room to the other. Everyone’s gone.

You’re having a great time, but no one you arrived with is here anymore and you don’t know whether it’s acceptable to stay out with people you bumped into, or to just call it a night. It’s pretty peak and tbh I haven’t been able to solve the dilemma myself after 3 years of uni.

12. Having work/lecture the next morning

A problem lots of students know all too well. It’s going to be a super groovy Monday night at Kasbah but your 9am on Tuesday has been neglected way too often and it’s becoming an issue. Work is an even more sticky issue.

One way to put a downer on a night is to know that you’re going to have to go home by 1, maybe even 2am at a stretch. You DEFINITELY can’t do those j-bombs everyone keeps suggesting, honestly if you plan to leave early there’s not point drinking. Having something important on the next day is pure torture and a solid way to ruin at least some parts of your night.

13. Getting stranded

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SOS

Omg this is the fucking worst. Picture it, you’ve all decided to venture out to Leamington or Birmingham and it’s gonna be a big boi night, pre drinks is hard and you make it to your destination club lit AF. This is the beginning of the end, everyone has gone just that little bit harder than they usually would and it all comes down to the bouncers.

It’s a bonus point if you initially get into the club, but no doubt you’re being kicked out for some disorderly behaviour in no time and BOOM there you have it. You’re miles from home, phone is on 20% and Uber is acting like a fool. Taxi is out of the question because who has those kind of funds. Fucked it.

14. Getting on it too close to deadline season

This one is a tad heart-breaking, especially if your birthday is mid-November. You and your friends might have pulled off the perfect pre-drinks and you’re all at the right level of drunk, but then you arrive at the club and there’s no queue.

It’s a 50/50 chance of being a good night or a shit one, but you decide to power through only to have the most disappointing FNK* you’ve ever had. It’s deadline season and the novelty of drinking and freshers and all that jazz has worn off.

Everyone is actually fighting over desk and chair spaces on the second floor of the Lanchester. Unfortunately this time, the lack of fellow club-goers is what fucks up your night. Basically Friday night Kasbah for those who don’t know.

15. Anything to do with your ex

Literally anything ex related is a disaster, you don’t need me to tell you that. After a few vodkas, maybe you do. Whether it’s bumping into your ex, or even worse, bumping into your ex and their new partner, or leaving them 27 drunk texts telling them you still love them, either way it’s all horribly awkward and will defo fuck up your night.

It might be that night or the next morning that the harsh reality slaps you round the face but god damn it it’s gonna hit you hard. All we can say is, Coventry is a small place so expect you’re going to have to come face to face with them at some point but keep your game face on. Trust me don’t text them, ever.