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BREAKING: Earl of Mercia Spoons set to shut down due to licensing problems

It’s the ones you love that hurt you the most


The Earl of Mercia Wetherspoon has announced today in an official statement that they have been forced to shut down, due to licensing problems. The pub is set to close their doors for good on 8th April.

The press release, which bought actual tears to our eyes, said that the pub had failed to get the proper licensing for a combination of reasons, but primarily the excessive amount of complaints to the council about student's conduct in the pub.

Complaints ranged from students drinking all the Strongbow Dark Fruits, to disrupting families trying to eat with games of Picolo.

Wetherspoons said in a statement: "We just hope that the students learn from this, and keep their drinking games to themselves in the future. The distress caused to one particular grandmother who was nominated 'most beautiful person in the room', before being pressured to neck a pint, is unimaginable.

"We do not in any way condone this behaviour, and totally respect the council's decision to deny a licence after the repeated displays of bad behaviour from students. We have been advised that we will be able to reapply for a licence after 18 months of closure, but we will not be allowing students into the pub in this instance."

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The last supper

Coventry University and the student's union are supporting this action.

Coventry University said in a statement: "We are looking forward to our students actually returning from their lunch breaks, and not smelling of beer when they do so."

However, this closure has not been so popular amongst students, with one Geography student threatening to chain herself to the doors of the building in protest.

Another student said that he would be embarking on a hunger strike until the decision is revoked, saying: "I'm taking hunger strike, partly because I am so angered and upset by this decision, and partly because I actually don't know how to cook anything after eating in Mercia for the majority of my adult life."

Coventry University's Beer Pong Society is hosting a memorial service for the much loved drinking pool, the place and date is yet to be confirmed, as no one knows where to go if not Mercia spoons.

Locals, on the other hand, seem to be thrilled, with one local man telling The Tab: "It's about time I enjoyed a nice cold WKD after work without mockery from these pesky kids, and I'm happy to wait 18 months to do so."

Happy April fools guys. Come join us for a pint and a game of Picolo in Mercia to celebrate.